Prayers To Obey (Finding Love, Series Book 4)

You're Never Alone (Chapter 9)

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THE NEXT DAY...

I groaned as I woke up to a burning headache, we had gotten in late last night- and I wasn't surprised I had experienced a nightmare in the night, actually causing me to become sick. I got ready and headed to the kitchen, "Good morning May." Liam called as I made it to the bottom of the steps, I grunted and groaned in response dropping my bags by the door.

"What are you two doing here?" I frowned at my two besties as they sat at the kitchen island.

"Now, that is no way to greet your two best friends." Sophie commented frowning.

"Sorry, I'm just not really in a cheery mood this morning- I've got a splitting headache." I complained as Liam immediately handed me some meds for the headache and orange juice, and I smiled weakly as a thank you.

"So, why are you here?" I figured it was David's turn to speak as I looked towards him.

He pursed his lips looking at my brother, causing me to frown, I looked at my brother, then to Sophie who stared down at her lap, then glanced up at me.

"Listen May-" My head snapped in his direction, he looked concerned, immediately I knew what he had done.

"You didn't..." I got up and started to back away.

"May, please." Liam pleaded his eyes filling with tears.

"NO! You swore you wouldn't tell anyone!" I yelled my eyes filling with tears.

"Leah!" I looked to David who had stood starting to approach me, tears falling down his face, "Stop! We only want to help you!"

I shook my head, "Just leave me alone! You don't understand!" I then turned to leave out the door, but Liam grabbed my arm pulling me to him- I didn't fight him, breaking down in tears in his arms, I crashed to the floor.

"Shh, it's alright." He kissed my forehead, finally my breathing calmed.

"They're only here to help you. Are you ready to listen?" I nodded, and he wiped my tears away before helping me up. He guided me to the couch sitting next to me, David and Sophie going over and sitting on the other side of me.

I stared down at my lap, ashamed. Yes, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, yet, so absolutely utterly broken inside.

"L, talk to us."

I looked up at him pursing my lips and standing as tears stood in my eyes, "And what am I supposed to say David?"

"Leah May, just tell us what's going on with you." Sophie answered.

I shook my head looking down and then back up at them, "Really? Because honestly, I don't even know the answer to that myself." I shrugged.

"May, we're all here for you." I whipped my head to him.

"I know, and I love you all for that- but I don't understand this myself!" I told them, finally I went around the coffee table, I turned around for a moment.

"May-" I whipped back around as fast as I could.

"You don't know what it's like to be haunted every night- afraid you're going to lose the person you're holding on so tightly to, scared that one day- they'll slip right out of your hands. And it won't matter wether or not you were holding on so tight that you're suffocating them, or wether or not you were so blindsided by it- because no matter what, they're gone, and they're never coming back. Ever. They're lost, you had your chance, and you blew it. They belong to someone else now." My words were calm, but on the inside I was screaming, they all stared at me, tears falling down their faces, "So don't you dare tell me that everything is going to be just fine- that it'll all go away, and that we won't ever repeat our past of brokenness. Because, those dreams don't prove that. They're so petrifying, that they keep the fear running through my veins- night and day. They don't go away, they don't let up, their are no breaks, there's ALWAYS flash backs- they're always there, mocking me! And the worst part is, the one person I want to tell the most, I'm so afraid he's going to be the one who will admit that I'm right- or the complete opposite, that I'm one hundred percent crazy, now, who would ever want to stick around for that?! Huh?! If only he knew what all those people said about me and him, what it did to me, how I felt about it!" fell to the floor in tears, crying out- Liam rushed to me, he pulled me to him, as I sobbed in his arms.

Finally, I calmed down, and I sat up- Sophie handed me a water bottle, and David handed me a tissue, "Thank you." I offered a weak smile, "You probably think I'm crazy." I chuckled slightly at myself.

"Not in the slightest L, never."

"I could never find you crazy, you're my Leah May!" Sophie exclaimed coming over and hugging me.

"Thank you guys."

"Leah, you should never have to feel this way- broken and alone. Why didn't you come to us?" David asked searching my face.

"I just couldn't face you guys. You're my best friends, I didn't know how to tell Liam at first."

"Yeah, I freaked when I overheard her screaming from her room. It was awful seeing her that way. It still is."

"Liam, I can't thank you enough for all of those nights you've comforted me, thank you- you're the best big brother anyone could ever ask for."

"Good- so you don't hate me for calling your friends."

"No, I know you had good intentions."

"Thank you for understanding that- I love you May."

"I love you too Liam and I love you guys, thank you." I smiled at them, we the finished the rest of the morning talking about the nightmares, and how much they had consumed and controlled my life.