Fame Or Love 🎙

Inner Pain.......

                                                 Fame Or Love 🎙

                                                   Chapter 9:

                                                  Inner Pain

Gifted:

"So where are we going?" I asked her

"First were going to get our hair done next we're going to King of Prussia mall our "future husbands" could be there, so we have to get our hair done so we can look good for the fellas," Nakia said with confidence.

"Actually, all the men will be for me, not you," she told me.

"Oh really?"

"And why is that I asked her?"

"You have, Devon Richardson," she said.

"I haven't even seen the brother, and you're already trying to play "matchmaker?"

"At least let me see him before you try to hook us up" I responded with sass.

"Girl, when you see him you'll be so euphoric, that I even sent him your way."

"Yeah okay," I said laughing at what she just said. Nakia blasted the music "oh this is my song" she said turning the volume up louder, and louder.

I turned her, and the music out.

The last thing on my mind was to be with a man after what I went through with Stephan. He hurt me to the core. Then losing my child made the pain feel even worse.

I tried to erase the fact that I was cheated on, and lost the same baby from the exact same man, I conceived my child with. The part that hurt me the most, was the fact that he "didn't care."

"It was knowing I lost a part of me that I would never get back.

Not being able to see, or hold my child hurt me in ways I could never imagine. I missed my baby! I missed that part of me that felt like I had someone in my life who was here to stay.

Someone who made me feel like I mattered, and most importantly someone who made me feel like I was capable of being "loved"..... "Janine, and the Mixtape" echoed through the speakers.

I listened to the lyrics spoke to my heart "

"Hold Me"

"Baby don't let me down got a lot going on right now and I need to hold me Baby don't let me down got a lot going on right now and I need you beside me....... I need you beside meeeeeeee. And when it gets cold and I'm feeling kind of lonely I'm hoping that you go and put a cover on me When it gets cold and I'm feeling kind of lonely I'm hoping that you go and put a cover on me........

The words hit me hard it was at that moment, I understood why the lyrics spoke to her she was wishing she had someone to take her pain away.

Why did my baby die?

Why did God have to take my baby away?? I asked myself.

"I miss my baby so much."

"I just want to hold him, or her right now and tell them it's okay."

"That everything will be okay," I told myself.

Why did he break my heart? I cried.

Why did he hurt me?

Why do people keep coming in my life with no intentions on staying???

"If I did something wrong, God I'm sorry."

"This pain is too much to bear I don't know how much more I can take."

"God please give me a sign that everything will be okay because right now I feel defeated."

"I feel so defeated" I repeated as I closed my eyes.

I allowed the tears to flow freely down from cheeks.

Nakia looked at me and knew I was mourning over losing my child.

She turned the music down and put her head down in disappointment at the fact, I was mourning.

There was nothing she could say or do, to take my pain away, for this reason alone, the rest of the ride remained silent.........

                                              End of chapter 9