Why Her?

Chapter Three

Chapter 3 - Late Night Chat

'Are you up for a little chat?'

I held up my finger and snatched my backpack off my bed. I pulled out one of my notebooks and a Sharpie and grabbed my rolling desk chair to sit in front of my window.

'Sure,' I replied.

'I'm Venus'

'Cameron.'

'I like that name. It's pretty'

I blushed and lowered my face with a smile. 'So is yours'

'Where did you move from?'

'Arlington Heights'

'Was it nice there?'

'Not really'

Venus frowned as she wrote 'Why?'

'People suck'

'Don't worry.' I nodded, and she quickly wrote 'People here aren't'

I smirked. 'Think you're cool?'

'I think so.'

'Your clothes are'

'It's just a look'

'So you're not?'

'I'm tame'

'Me too'

It wasn't hard to learn more about Venus as time went by, but the night I met her, I only learned about the surface. But it was through learning about the surface that allowed us to begin the stages of trusting one another, to becoming real friends.

At once, I thought I had real friends, but after mom died and I couldn't talk anymore, all my friends gave up on trying to talk with me and left. And after transitioning from elementary school to junior high, my old schoolmates told everyone they could that I was a mute freak until the entire school body knew.

Every day was a lonely battle I lost. The bullying became worse, and I was far lonelier than ever. With dad working more as I grew older, I had no one to come home to. Isolation consumed me, and I became depressed.

Looking at Venus in that moment terrified me, because for one moment I got to experience a somewhat normal and healthy relationship. I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to go back to being lonely. I didn't want to remain alone.

Venus glanced up at me and frowned. What's wrong?

It took me back to see her signing, and she giggled when she saw it. 'My friend's brother deaf.' I nodded, and she quickly wrote out 'Only know a little.'

That's okay. I assured.

Are you okay?

'I'll be fine.'

'Pretty girls shouldn't frown'

I sucked in my lips as I dropped my head to the notebook on my lap. No one outside my family had ever referred to me as pretty. I didn't know what the appropriate thing to say was. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tell her if she was beautiful in that moment or not, and I honestly regretted not saying it then.

'Want to talk about it?'

'No need to'

'Vent when you need to.' She smiled and wrote out, 'I'll always listen.'

The way Venus made an effort into communicating with me flattered me. Without anyone ever trying to get to know me, I was thrilled Venus was, and I was glad she was the first. But the more she flattered me, the more the tiny crush I'd begun to evolve on her grew.

Ever since I was a little girl, I was attracted to females. Being the silent person I was, people would ignore me, but I couldn't always ignore them. All the girls in my old freshman and sophomore class would chat about the kinds of upper class boys they found to be attractive, and though they were aesthetically pleasing, I felt nothing beyond that for them.

It was rare for me to actually be attracted to any of the girls, though. Despite their attractiveness, they were nothing but hollowed out jerks who got off on putting me down. They weren't worthy my attention.

There were other girls and guys around the school who admitted to being gay or lesbian, and they were outcasted into their own groups. There were the stuck-up broads who feared talking to lesbians out of fear it was contagious and some jocks refused to shower with anyone that was gay, because they were afraid they would be groped or worse.

It always pissed me off to overhear people complaining as if liking someone of the same gender automatically meant they wanted to have sex with everyone of the same gender. We have such things as standards, and if given the choice, no one would ever pick those condescending pricks.

I feared getting harassed ever worse, so I stayed in the closet to protect myself. However, the more Venus and I communicated, the stronger the images of the possibility of being out with Venus played in my mind. The idea of holding her hand, kissing her in public. I'd always wanted that with someone, but just because Venus was the first person to show me any kindness didn't automatically mean she was also gay and was going to be my girlfriend. I had to be more realistic, and that meant taking a step back to guarantee that I could still possibly be her friend after tonight.

'I need to go' I wrote out.

She pouted as she held up her sign. 'Why?'

'Sleep'

She oh-ed with her mouth and nodded as she giggled. 'Sweet dreams'

I nodded and closed the curtains before I changed into my pajamas and flopped onto my bed. The fantasies of being with Venus played in my mind as I attempted to fall asleep. Due to my inexperience with love and crushes, little did I know after that night that those fantasies wouldn't go away so easily.