Loving His Assassin

Chapter 44 : Sorrow

I was hesitating. I didn't know why, but my resolve didn't as strong as I wanted it to be. I supposed it wasn't an easy task to kill my own mother, but what she did to Derek and his organization was unforgivable.

I clenched my teeth and my hand began to shake. Just fucking kill her! It didn't matter if she was my mother or not, she would die eventually of blood loss.

It wasn't the first time I killed someone nevertheless a woman! Just pull the fucking trigger what was so hard?

I groaned in frustration and just punched the wall next to me. I couldn't believe I couldn't kill her, why??

I glared at the woman kneeling on the ground with all my hatred. She wasn't even looking at me anymore, she was only waiting for me to put her out of her misery. She had to suffer, but killing her would be too merciful. Yet if I didn't who knew what she would do in the future? That wasn't a risk I wanted to take. She had a weakness and that was me, in a few years who knew what it would be?

I put back the gun on her head, but my finger didn't want to move. Then a warmth surrounded my hand making me look up. It was Derek, he was looking at me with worried eyes.

"Calm down and think it through," he advised and being so near him after such a long time made my knees weaken.

I took deep breaths and looked at Jessica who was kneeling in front of me.

She was about to take Derek away from me, she didn't hesitate. That's why I couldn't let her live, I won't take any risks. If I let her live, she would come back much stronger than now.

"Goodbye, mom," I said before breathing in and slowly pull the trigger.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and before we could do anything Derek and I were slammed on the floor. My gun disappeared somewhere and it took me a few seconds to regain my consciousness.

But when I did, the man who took me down in the torture room was there pointing a gun at us.

"Don't move," the man warned as I checked on Derek who seemed okay. "Mistress, are you okay?"

No answer, she was still kneeling with her hands on her wound. She would die soon or later of blood loss. Even if he succeeded to stabilize her, she'll need a blood transfusion.

"Mistress, please hang on! Our men will be there soon," he tried to check on her while keeping us at bay.

Yeah, go worry about her. Go tend to you Mistress and let me kill you.

"Are you sure about that? Last time I checked you guys were so overwhelmed by our men," I tried to provoke him.

"SHUT UP! I have had enough of you, I'm going to fucking kill you now!" the man roared as his eyes shined with new resolution. He put the gun on my forehead.

"Don't..." whispered Jessica making the man frown, but still lower his gun.

Derek was now ready to kill the man even with his bare hands. The look he was giving him scared me shitless. So, I tried to not look at my Master, but damn that was hard.

"Mistress, may I ask why you want to keep this boy alive?"

I glared at him, I wasn't a boy, I was a full grown man!

She didn't answer his question, but she kept saying the same thing as before.

"You're losing this war and you both know it. Stop struggling and surrender," I sighed tired of them, for now, I just wanted to go home and let Master fuck me.

No one bulged, we stayed in the same position for who knows how long. Then we all heard footsteps.

This was going to decide it all, would it be our men? Or their men?

"Let go of your gun!" shouted Logan as three others aimed their weapon at the standing man.

"Shit..." he mumbled before looking at his unmoving Mistress and then to me.

His eyes narrowed and I knew he was going to shoot me even though he was told not too. He knew anyways that he would die, so why not right?

"I dare you," I said and that send him over the edge.

He pulled the trigger and I closed my eyes waiting for the bullet to hit me.

I fell on my back and I started to feel heavy as it was hard to breathe. If that was how dying felt, I would have liked to not feel so crushed. Everything around me became so loud, I could hear people running, shouting and fighting.

I wasn't feeling like I was dying, just crushed under something or someone. Panicked to see Derek's dead body on top of me, I opened my eyes and looked at my chest. I stopped breathing, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Why? After everything, why?

Tears escaped without my consent and I took the lifeless body in my arms. I couldn't understand I thought she meant nothing to me... Yet, here was I crying over her dead body.

"Why?.... Why?" I asked softly while holding her in my arms as if she would answer me.

When I thought my feeling for her died completely, she still managed to bring them out. I felt like a baby again, back at the time where I lost her for the first time. And again, I cried on her lifeless body certain she wouldn't come back. I was letting everything out as I hold her tightly.

I didn't know how long I cried, but now, there was nothing more for me to shed. I looked at her peaceful face and pushed away a strand of hair out of her closed eyes.

"Say hi to dad for me and both... Please be happy..." I gently said to her as I finally put her down and stood up.

Turning around, I saw Derek just behind me. When I walked up to him, took him in my arms and inhaled his scent.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked as he put his hands on my back.

I nodded and put my face into the crook of his neck. I missed him so much...

"Let's go home," I finally said as he held me in his arms.

Walking out, I looked back one more time at my mother and closed the door behind me. 

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