Hate Sex is So Hot

26 - Best Friends Are Always There

THIRD GRAMMY YESSSSSSSS

He obviously knew. He had to know. Now I just had to think about how to do this. Should I just... go? But that would make it so obvious... does that matter? Fuck. This shouldn't be this awkward, we've had sex before. But I have a boyfriend. Fuck! God damn it, Scott.

He was looking at me, like I suddenly grew horns or something. I thought it might be because I was quiet, but a little too late I realized I was... staring at his boner. He looked down to see where I was looking and I could almost feel myself die a little bit inside.

"Uh." The words fell out of my mouth as fast as I could manage for them to. "I'm gonna... I think Avi might be back soon."

"Yeah." He said, obviously embarrassed. "Good, um... good idea."

I got my towel and almost ran out of the pool already. My mind kept going back to that, and I kept thinking... I tried so hard not to, I know it was just thoughts but it felt so wrong. It felt like cheating.

I just couldn't help thinking about him on the elevator up, though... if he had just pulled me closer and I could feel him through his swim shorts... and his muscular chest...

I swiped the key card and stumbled into my room, dropping my towel and stepping out of my shorts like my life depended on it. Thank god there was hot water; I dropped onto the floor of the bath and grabbed myself by the crotch, unable to help moaning loudly.

"Fuck, fuck..." I was thinking about Scott. This was so wrong, but I couldn't help it. His angry kisses. His amazing body. God, I hated him, and I hated what he did to me. I thought of him climbing over me in that hot tub kissing down my neck, and stroking me like I was stroking myself right now.

I didn't hear the door open when it did; and I just kept going. My eyes were closed and my back arched when I thought of him moaning in my ear.

"Mi-oh!"

My eyes shot open and I quickly looked around. It was... fuck! It was Avi... he was just looking at me with wide eyes.

Had I been saying Scott's name? No. there was no way. I was just moaning, and he would look mad, right? I saw him gulp, and then he surprised me.

"Can I... join you?"

After a moment of shock, I nodded.

-

I came down to dinner late, after checking myself in the mirror about a hundred times, probably. It was like I could feel everyone looking at me... I know they didn't know, but I just felt like they somehow did.

I sat down in between Avi and Kirstie. Avi looked great, per usual... just a little disheveled.

I looked up, across the table. Kevin was talking to Avi. Scott was staring right at me. His teeth looked clenched.

No. There was no way he could know. I saw his jaw relax soon though, and he picked his menu back up. I coughed.

"Um... what are you getting, Kirstie?"

I couldn't stop feeling horrible. I was getting off to Scott, and then Avi came in, and we... god, I thought he liked to take things slow, too... of course I wasn't complaining, I'd loved it. Avi was such a sweet boyfriend, and I had a good time in the shower. I was just so in the moment.

I let him fuck me.

Of course I wanted it. Avi asked again and again and again and again, to the point where I basically had to yell at him yes, I do want this. And I really did. But that's what made me feel so bad. I had just been thinking about Scott earlier... I felt like such an awful person. Was I just using Avi?

I thought... I liked him. And I do, right?

Without a word I got up from the table, giving a finger up and mouthing the words "one second" and walked as fast as I could. I pulled open the restroom door and saw a line. Damn it!

"Stupid restaurant..." I mumbled, my voice already getting a little choked up. I made my way as fast as I could to the front door. I got some weird looks, but once I was outside in the chilly air, that didn't even really matter all that much.

Tears started falling down my face like a dam that had just been broken. I wiped them with the sleeves of my jacket, and blinked furiously as I breathed and hiccuped sobs away.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around.

Kirstie looked at me with sad eyes.

"Are you ok...?" She said quietly. Maybe she just didn't know what else to say.

I shook my head no after a second of silence, and the tears started to well up in my eyes again.

"Oh, Mitch..." She whispered and pulled me in for a hug. I sobbed loudly into her shoulder, holding on as tight as I could, like I was scared that she would leave me.

After a couple seconds, Scott left his spot at the door behind Kirstie and left, not even turning his now sad eyes back to look at me again. He couldn't bring himself to do it... because he knew he had to get over me. If only I had maybe known that. But, of course, I didn't.