Fragmented

In the paunch of nature

Veronica's POV:-

"Time heals" They say.

With time the pain fades and leaves us to begin anew. When the wound is new it hurts you, a dull ache present all the time. Though the pain fades, scars serve as a reminder. Every passing moment reminds you of the loss and your mind decides to revisit it all.

Revisit what you try so desperately to leave behind.

This thing  with time is that the dull ache may subside but the sharp pain that pierces your heart every time something reminds you of the past, is utterly unbearable.  Soon you discover you would never be able to feel what you did because the burrow made by the wound will never replenish, it can be covered with anything. Any distraction, but you can never see it for what it once was.

So, you try to feel so numb that the despair residing within you can be locked away somewhere so dark that you do not even see it to revisit it. Until you breathe that last 'whiff' of air it will be with you.

You just learn to live with it. I am still waiting for that to happen.

*_*

It's been a week or so since I have left everything behind. Since I walked away from the one person who finally succeeded in making me happy. Who made me relive, even with everything he did.

How could have I forgiven him? I saw it in his eyes, he would've never let me go. I felt like a bird, imprisoned inside a gold cage. Well-fed, well-kept but never allowed to defy. Above everything, I could never overlook the fact that he did not love me. Either he was really good at keeping his emotions out of his eyes or he never had any love for me. Eyes are a gateway to the soul, nobody can deny that. I never wanted to force it out of him. What would have been the use of it.

If I did not run, he would never listen to me. Even though having no intention of going back I thought this would make him realize. My opinion mattered too. It was my life. He had no right to control me like that.

I was not angry because they deceived me. I was angry because they were feeding me lies to keep me happy. They were fooling me with no intention to an end. Hell I wasn't even angry, I was hurt. Anger only masked my hurt. It was better this way.

I have lost all energy to move forward. Roads seem to have become my life. The roads that once seemed like my getaway, are now starting to suffocate me.

A long way, and this impossible sadness.

A huge storm hit this place last night. I had to stop because the road was blocked by snow and I had very less fuel to even get to a gas station. All the money I could gather in the short time I had is bound to finish at some point if I didn't stop. I was able to get as much money out of the ATM as I could, at one time, from my account joined to my fathers.

Aaron had given me a credit card and everything but I never needed it even before and now if I took money from there he would know how far I was.

I needed the money for fuel and everything else. I had thought it all through before leaving. It was hard to make myself agree to taking that money but then again, it was practicality before emotions. Else I'd still be there basking in self hatred at how easy was it for them to fool me.

Surrounded by the snow capped forest. I pulled my car on the side of the road and tried to wait it out.

It did not stop.

The snow got deeper by the hour and it became impossibly cold even with the heater. I left my car as soon as I saw smoke rising from a possible clearing.