Envious
She was everything that i wanted to be, everything i felt i was supposed to be. skinny, pretty, talented. She had always been one step ahead of me, she was always better than me. She was everything while i was nothing. There was once a time when i thought i was attracted to her. My envy was turned into infatuation and i could not decipher if i wanted to be with her or be like her. In my eyes she was perfection, she was a god and for some time i found myself worshipping her, my worship and praise dressed neatly in friendship.
After befriending her, said feelings only intensified. This being that i realized just how much she was me and i was her. We were one when it came to our depression, physical self destruction and the way our eyes viewed the world.Yet she was still better than me. She drew with her blood as i did with mine however she was still perfection in my eyes. Seeing her, feeling her and being near her at most times revealed how much i loved her and just how much i hated myself. I could never be her. She was skinnier than me, prettier than me and even a better artist than i was. I was forgettable while she was not. I was nothing but she was everything.
