I don't quite remember what my life was like a year ago but I'm 100% sure it's better than what it is now. I know I'm young and being young in this world is the equivalence of stupid and inexperience but in this one year alone I've had an experience that I have yet to write down and share with everyone. When I sit and list the things that happened, I always tread lightly but now I wish to explain in full detail, my emotions, my thoughts and my reactions, and so now I begin:
One year ago, I had a sit down with my father, it was lunch at a seafood restaurant on a Sunday after I had come home from church. Me and my father had a bit of a rocky relationship but it was never discussed and my therapist thought it would be wise to have a one on one conversation with my father and express my feelings to him. That day I was quite nervous and I kept having anxiety, then my father pulled up and took me to said restaurant. Before the food could even hit the table he began with what he wanted to say. Before I fill you in, keep in mind I was a 16 year old girl with major depression, anxiety, self harm issues and suicidal thoughts, all of which my father knew. He went on to say these words exactly "Kayla, I do not like you, you are a fake, fucked up, wishy washy, unloyal person just like your mama. You bring down everybody's mood and I hate being around you. The people on my side of the family agree and think you're fake and don't like you." Those were the words that stuck with me on the way home when he continued his rant and said things following the lines of "now I understand why fathers don't like being in their children's life." I was not anticipating on my mother being home so all I could think about was killing myself. I was completely ready and was nowhere near afraid of dying. I was completely prepared to go to hell that day. However my mother was home and saw me run into the house crying, preventing me from killing myself the way I had planned and played out over and over in my head on the ride home.
Now, this is only the first thing that happened, there was more to come after that.
to be continued...
