At my age, it's hard to tell who's my friend and who is not, who is there and who won't be for long. With my group of friends, everyone is physically attractive, as a group we are aesthetically pleasing to look at, but looking good does not equate to the fondness I have for each of my "friends". You see, I am a new comer to the group, I have not been friends with them as long as they've been acquainted with each other but I do have my favorites. As a person, I realized that I only want to please others and I find that I don't always think for myself, that I must filter what I want to say because their are those that will want to belittle me, those that will call me out. And I can only hold my head down and apologize because I want to feel accepted and feel loved. But you see, when someone else does it, another friend perhaps, they say nothing, they're mouths stay closed because "that's how they are", but the way I am is the way I am and the way I am is not excepted. My full thoughts are but whispers to those that are my favorites and even then I don't know if they are locked away or spilled to others. Often times I would feel slighted, I would feel like I am only there because I have no where else to go, where else would i go? Where else could I go? I do not wish to keep a friendship out of toleration, I do not wish to keep a friendship filled with tension. I have great times with my friends, I confess but as of right now, I'm not too favorably impressed by the mindset it has left me with.
