The YuZhou Family (The Sequel)

Chapter 13 : Solitude

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3 months have passed and and I have been sober for two weeks.

After what I did to Timmy and Jimmy, I felt so disgusted with myself. I wanted nothing more but to hold them in my arms and apologize but I knew that it was not that easy. Tim and Jimmy were passed out on the floor when I left them, and Tony... Tony was crying for me. My son was confused and scared. He was terrified of me. I don't know what to do so I just left. How heartless it may sound, but I just did. I found a bar and got drunk, again. I am in a terrible state and I could feel the numbing pain in my heart, like it's breaking into pieces. What have gotten into me? What have I done? What monster did I become?

I promised myself, I promised Timmy, my kids, his relatives that I would never hurt them or caused them any harm; but I fucked it all up. That promise is now a big fat lie that came out of my worthless mouth.

Everyday... every fucking day, I would hear Jimmy's giggles, Tony's laughs and Timmy's soft voice singing. I realized that I don't deserve them, I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve their love, I don't deserve to be loved but I need them. I need them that much because they are my life. They are my everything. Timmy is the reason I am still me, amd my kids are the reason for the smile on my face. I am dysfunctional without them.

"You ready, Johnny?" Denmark asked me. This guy was kind enough to pull me out of the bar even though I punched him many times I could remember. He helped me find an apartment because I can't stay at his house because his wife's pregnancy is delicate. According to him, Timmy changed his phone number and the last time he visits there, my family were out for vacation.

The first few weeks were hard. I drank each and every bottles of beer in the apartment. There are times that I would even sneak up on Denmark just to go to the nearest bar and drink all my problems away.

He struggled with keeping me sober, and after a week, I told him everything. I received a hard punch for that, which I expected. He is one of my husbands best friend, after all. After that, he told me to man up and tell Timmy everything, but I was scared. Too scared of his rejection, his hate, everything. I just hide in that apartment for a month, not even bothering to report on my duties. I decided to leave the apartment and starts living in a cabin house which used to be our honeymoon place. It was in Tianjin so just a few hours away from my office and to our house.

Now, after three months, I am ready. I am ready to finally face my husband and my kids and beg for their forgiveness. It's not that easy but it's worth a try.

"Yeah, wait a minute!" I replied.

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The drive to our residence was silent and awkward. Well, silence in my part because Denmark just keep blabbering happily about me reuniting with Timmy. Him playing with his nieces that he haven't seen for months.

I'm a bit nervous though. I mean, who would not be? They might not even open the door for me. I don't care if I have to beg for their forgiveness, I will do anything for their acceptance.

Finally, after an hour drive, we arrived at our house. But there was something wrong. My kid's bicycle are not in the front lawn. The kiddie pool is also missing and there is a big sign "For Sale" in it. I felt a lump in my throat.

"What the?" Den muttered. As soon as he parked the car in the driveway, I get out of the car and rushed inside the house. I burst through the front door without knocking but then I was met by the sight that makes my heart shatter.

The house was empty.

Literally empty. The furnitures, the pictures, my family... all gone. My knees gave out causing me to kneel down on the hard floor while my tears were flowing rapidly in my eyes. They left the house? Did Timmy moved away with the kids? But where? They can't just leave me.