Double Or Nothing // C.T.H

36 ~ Thomas

Confused.

I was confused, which recently has been normal. Confused in class, confused at home, confused about love, life, everything.

It's not like I'm used to being this- well, out of it. So completely lost. Things used to be clear; I used to understand work in class, but they've moved on without me.
I used to make my parents happy, but now they rarely smile at me. Key phrase: used to- past tense, done, over with, not any more.

It felt as if I was being dragged in all directions while my eyes were covered, being screamed at to chose the right way.

But...which way was right?

I sigh deeply, my hand running through my hair then sliding down my face causing me glasses to sit slightly crooked.

Follow my brain or heart?

I don't think I've ever truly liked someone, as lame or unrealistic that sounds, it's the truth.

Calum used to always talk about these girls when we were younger, how beautiful they were, how much he'd like to hold their hand or make them smile. I never really got what he was talking about, but I listened nevertheless.

I remember one girl vividly, her blond hair was naturally curled to perfection and her blue eyes swam with innocent joy. Sierra was her name. I thought she was pretty and nice, but nothing more.

However, this 8 year old girl took a liking to me, for some reason, and wasn't afraid to tell me so. It was dangerously hot that day, and her curls were pulled back into a pony tail, her face flush from the heat and both of our chests were heaving.

We had ran around the park and finally made it to the rock that was sat peacefully in the middle of the open field. It seemed so big back then. Everything was big, new, and exciting then.

I climbed onto the rock first, and outstretched my hand to help Sierra up. Our small hands intertwined with each other and her eyes widened once she was standing atop the ginormous rock with me. She didn't let go.

I remember how confused I was then, it's close to how I am now. "You're still holding my hand," I said dumbly, and she giggled. A blush burnt itself onto my cheeks. I've always hated being laughed at.

"I know, silly," She tapped her fingers against the back of my hand and I glanced at them. Her nails were painted a pretty purple, and I was about to comment on it when she spoke again.

"Thomas, I like you," Sierra said bluntly, and I looked from our hands to her face once again. My brow furrowed.

"Yeah, I like you too. You're nice," I gave her a grin and she shook her head, tugging my hand.

"No," She wined slightly, "I like like, you."

"Oh," My brow creased deeper and I looked at her. "Well...I like you, but not fancy you," I say curiously slow, trying to figure out my own words as I said them.

I knew I'd said something wrong when her eyes widened once again and her blue orbs began to gather tears. My hand was free from hers and she hopped from the rock in one swift motion.

"Wait, Sierra!" I followed her closely, suddenly feeling very guilty for hurting her feelings. "I'm sorry!" I cupped my hands around my mouth as I ran after her. Apologizing even though I didn't know what I did to upset her. I just didn't want her to cry.

"Leave me alone," She screeched and I halted in my tracks as a blond boy turned from his friends at her cries.

His fierce blue eyes narrowed as he glanced between us and he stormed over, his big stance causing the sweat already sticking to my face to increase.