translucent [markson]

[Seventeen] Relax

After Jaebum walked with Mark and Jackson back to the dorms in awkward silence, he seemingly disappeared. Mark and Jackson didn't seem him for the rest of break, so they could only assume that Jaebum had gone back home. It was a relief to the both of them, since they didn't want any more arguments to start. They both also secretly didn't want to spend time with anyone other than the each other, but neither of them would say that out loud.

A few days before Christmas, Jackson had planned another day out with Mark. He went to Mark's room at the same time and even gave him a day's notice about it, but Mark wasn't there. His absence made Jackson wonder if Mark finally got sick of him and he decided to ditch. Of course, Jackson understood that Mark still had a life of his own and, since they were friends for such a short time, there was no need to get worked up over it. Still, Jackson felt lonely and isolated without Mark.

With nothing else to do, Jackson went back to his room, his disappointment unable to stay hidden. Even though there was no one around him to hide it from, he thought that he'd be able to pretend like he wasn't so affected by having to spend the day alone. His time with Mark was unlike anything Jackson had ever experienced, though that wasn't saying much since the only people he had to compare him to were Yugyeom and BamBam. To put it simply, Jackson loved being with Mark, and he knew it was more than just his crush getting out of hand.

Getting to know Mark as more than just another classmate had made Jackson like Mark even more. Mark was absolutely perfect in every way to Jackson; it secretly made Jackson insecure, but that was a feeling he was used to. Jackson usually covered up his insecurities by pretending to be cocky, and Mark had been able to see through that when they started talking. In a way, that made Mark even more likeable, since he knew when to talk sense into Jackson.

Like when Jackson felt like Yugyeom had forgotten about him, Mark comforted him. It wasn't even an hour after the two had finished moving Jackson's stuff with Jaebum that Mark noticed something was wrong. While the two sat in Mark's room, Jackson kept turning on his phone, as if he was expecting something that was never going to come. Mark eventually pried out the reason for Jackson's behavior and got him to talk about his fear of losing people close to him.

As Jackson sat on his bed and put in earbuds, he couldn't help but think of it bitterly. He basically told Mark about his reluctance to let people in and suddenly Mark disappeared. Although he didn't know for sure if Mark had ill intentions, he could just hear Mark talking to Jaebum and BamBam about how he regretted hanging out with Jackson. Mark had shit talked Jackson behind his back before, so it wasn't entirely impossible that it wouldn't happen again. Just thinking about it almost made Jackson cry, but he wouldn't let tears spill over something silly. Instead, he laid down and let himself get lost in the music blasting through his earbuds..

~

To say Yugyeom was confused when he walked into the dorm was an understatement. Never in his life would he have thought that he'd see Jackson Wang laying on his bed in the dark, earbuds in and staring at nothing. Jackson was always so energetic and excited, no matter the time or situation. It made Yugyeom wonder what had happened that made Jackson unhappy and threatened the success of Yugyeom's surprise visit.

"Jackson? What are you doing?" Yugyeom didn't bother to turn the lights on and instead went straight to sit down next to Jackson.

"Huh?" Jackson sat up and took out an earbud. Even in the dark, Jackson could see the concern clouding Yugyeom's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Yugyeom repeated.

"Oh. Just listening to music," Jackson replied simply, putting his earbud back in and laying down again. He stared at Yugyeom's leg's next to him until it finally sunk in: Yugyeom was sitting next to him. "Yugie!"

"Finally you noticed." Yugyeom was quickly engulfed by Jackson's arms, both of them smiling. Something about Jackson's movements seemed desperate, and Yugyeom noticed. He knew something was up for sure at that point.

"Jackson... Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Yugyeom pulled away to look Jackson in the eyes, but Jackson just looked the other way. Usually, Jackson was comfortable around Yugyeom, so it was unusual that he was seemingly avoiding him.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired, that's all. I was about to sleep when you came."

Jackson didn't know when he became such a good liar, considering he almost believed himself just then. In any other situation, Jackson would have spilled his guts, because that was just how he was. Jackson was such and open book, especially to his friends, and he was normally more than happy to talk through his -- or their -- problems. Something changed.

If he had answered honestly, he would have talked about Mark and everything that was wrong, but Jackson knew how selfish and obnoxious that was. How he felt didn't affect Yugyeom, so Yugyeom didn't need to know about it. Besides, Jackson wasn't willing to explain why he felt that way. That would require admitting that he liked Mark, and he had been trying so hard to keep the crush to himself.

Jackson wouldn't admit it out loud, but he knew it was also because he was trying so hard to change himself. Ever since he got to know Mark, he had been subconsciously doing things differently in an attempt to get Mark to like him more. He spent so long wondering what it was that made Mark dislike him when they first met, and their conversations so far gave him a better idea of what it could be. With Mark's sudden disappearance, Jackson was especially aware of his actions, watching everything he did to figure out why Mark ditched him. Mark didn't like his typical self-pitying self, did he?

"Jacks..." Yugyeom put an arm on Jackson's shoulder, but immediately retracted his hand when Jackson shot upwards.

"I'm fine, seriously. Why don't we eat? I have some left overs from when I cooked yesterday." Jackson made his way to the mini fridge under the desk and Yugyeom watched in confusion.

"Giving me food won't distract from the fact that there's some sort of problem." Yugyeom was about to continue into a lecture, but the food that was just shoved into his face was deliciously distracting. "I take that back. It will distract me for a while, but don't think you're getting out of this."

"That's what I thought."

As Yugyeom ate, he and Jackson made small talk. Though they both actively ignored bringing up the fact that Yugyeom hadn't even so much as texted Jackson since break started, neither of them really cared since they were able to talk face to face. Jackson almost forgot about how he was sulking over Mark, but that was ruined by Mark barging into the room.

"Jackson! You'll never guess-" Mark shouted as he opened the door. He quickly saw Yugyeom and shut his mouth.

"Hey, Mark." Jackson quietly sighed, disappointed Mark interrupted his and Yugyeom's conversation. He was just the slightest bit mad, too, since he hadn't seen Mark all day and Mark decided to show up when Jackson didn't want him to.

"I bought you stuff," Mark mumbled, backing out of the door. "I'll just leave it here."

"What just happened?" Yugyeom asked, staring at the bags Mark had left by the door. Mark had showed up and disappeared in the next few seconds and, as far as Yugyeom knew, he and Jackson weren't even friends.

"I'm not really sure, honestly." All of his anger had quickly faded into guilt after seeing Mark's expression. Clearly, Mark hadn't forgotten about him if he had bought things for Jackson.

"Since when did he think it was okay to barge into our room like that?" There was a malice in Yugyeom's expression that caught Jackson off guard and even made him scared.

"We... we got to get to know each other over break."

Yugyeom just nodded and continued to eat, leaving Jackson to wonder if something was wrong with friends. First, Mark disappeared and then reappeared and then disappeared again. Then Yugyeom tried to kill Mark with his glare, something very out of Yugyeom's character. Neither of the events made any sense to Jackson. Despite his confusion, one sentence was echoing nonstop in his head:

What did I fuck up this time?