translucent [markson]

[Twenty] Untangle

Jackson swore that he almost died on the first day back from school. His heart seemed as if it would explode every few minutes and any time he wasn't on the verge of exploding, he had to deal with an indescribable and uncomfortable pang in his gut. He knew exactly what the cause of his feelings was, but he couldn't understand what those feelings were.

Every time Mark sent him a glance, Jackson's heart raced as he longed to walk over to talk to him. The moment he looked back, a sort of disappointment washed away the quick pace of his heart and he wanted nothing more than Mark to look at him again. And this happened the whole day, at any time Mark and Jackson were in the same room. They only had three classes together, but three hours of what was Mark seemingly messing around with Jackson was enough to drive Jackson out of his mind.

It would have all been okay if Mark had just said something -- or anything for that matter. But he didn't. Jackson couldn't help but feel like Mark was avoiding him again, even when he refused to believe it. After all the time they had spent together, he hoped that Mark would have the decency to at least tell him that he didn't want to talk during school. He had already lost BamBam to peer pressure, he didn't want to lose someone else, especially not in the same way and manner.

Other classmates had been swarming Mark the moment they got back from vacation, so Jackson probably couldn't have talked to him if he were to initiate a conversation anyway. Most of them just droned on and on about how they let bad for Mark and how he had to stay at school with Jackson. Normally, that wouldn't have bothered Jackson, but Mark never said anything in opposition to them. He knew it was a bit much to expect his friend of two weeks to defend him, yet he couldn't deny his dejection, whether Mark agreed with them or not.

On the other end of the situation, Mark was trying his best not to split himself in two. All the people approaching him made him overwhelmed and he wanted nothing more than to find comfort in talking to Jackson. But despite all that he told himself, he couldn't lie about how much he cared about his reputation. Even though he tried to tell himself that he was different and that he wouldn't do what BamBam did, he wasn't able to believe his own words. He liked it when people constantly wanted to talk to him, even if it was overwhelming at times. He didn't want to let all that disappear because he talked to Jackson.

Mark wasn't sure if Jackson had noticed his odd behavior or if his behavior was even considered odd to begin with, since that was how he always acted during class. He was aware of how many times he made eye contact with Jackson throughout the day, but he always tore his eyes away before any sort of nonverbal conversation could be initiated. Frankly, he became what afraid when he talked to Jackson, ever since after their sleepover. Something about the way Jackson made him feel was terrifying to Mark, and he didn't know why.

Jackson made Mark feel like he actually accomplished something other than good grades. As important as school was to Mark, it got old and the lack of change was almost enough for him to lose motivation. With Jackson, it seemed like he was able to do something well without having to use math or complicated logic. When he made Jackson laugh, Mark felt like he was more than the kid in school everyone wanted to use as a cheat sheet. The laugh that made his heart melt was one Mark wanted to always be able to hear, but Mark was afraid that might not be a reality if he kept up his behavior.

The night after their day of awkward eye contact, Mark decided it was best to actually talk to Jackson. Since Jackson had fencing practice, Mark knew not to go into his room until after seven. His own gymnastics practice had ended earlier, so it was perfect timing; he had time to do all his homework and watch a few YouTube videos before he deemed himself ready to face Jackson. Once it neared two in the morning, Mark knew he had to actually get up and go.

Over the two weeks they spent together, Mark learned that Jackson loved to stay up late. A few times, they had sat up on the roof and watched the sunrise after a sleepless night full of talking. That's why he was almost one hundred percent sure that Jackson was still awake. Despite his certainty, he was worried about the possibility that Jackson had wanted to sleep at a normal time, or that he would wake up Yugyeom. Yugyeom, he learned, was almost the opposite of Jackson. Yugyeom loved the daytime and slept early, leaving him to wake up at the times Jackson would only just fall asleep.

Luckily for Mark, Jackson happened to be leaving his room as Mark was pacing in front of the door. Jackson was more than confused, but nonetheless glad that Mark wasn't completely ignoring him. Somewhere in the depths of his thoughts, he wanted to relish in the possibility that he meant something to Mark, at least to the point where they could still talk out of class, but that wasn't what he was thinking about. The fact that Jackson hadn't eaten since lunch was quickly forgotten as he dragged Mark into his room, shoving him down to sit on the bottom bunk. Mark only sighed and pulled Jackson down so he could lay his head in Jackson's lap.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you today," Mark mumbled.

"You're talking to me right now." Jackson began playing with Mark's hair, a habit he had formed over the past few days due to Mark's constant demands for him to do so.

"You're not obligated to make things seem better than they actually are." Mark pinched Jackson's knee, a frown forming on his face. Jackson flinched at the sudden pain -- Mark's nails were too sharp for any normal person -- and his knee bounced up.

"Oh my god, sorry." Jackson frantically rubbed where Mark's head had hit his knee, and Mark just sent an annoyed look up at Jackson.

"Just because I said that you don't have to sugar coat it doesn't mean you're allowed to abuse me," Mark grumbled.

"I didn't mean to. You're the one that pinched me!" Jackson's voice raised above its previous whisper, which caused Yugyeom to shift around on the bed above them.

"Go jack off in a different room," Yugyeom groaned.

"How many times have you been caught that this is the first thing he says?" Mark teased. Jackson shoved Mark's head off his lap so he could properly give Mark his puppy dog pout, almost evoking guilt in Mark. But not quite.

"Never! That has never happened." Jackson crossed his arms, only to have them uncrossed by Mark.

"Come on, be honest. You don't have to lie to me."

"I am not here so you can abuse me," Jackson pouted, mimicking Mark's tone from before.

"Facing the truth and being abused are two different things." Mark poked and pulled at Jackson's cheeks until he pulled the sheets out from under them to cover his head.

"Leave me alone. I'm going to cry. Go back to your room."

"It's late. I'm too lazy to go back to my room. I'll just sleep here, since I know you won't mind." Mark unwrapped half of Jackson's blanket and wrapped it around himself.

"Um, sure," Jackson stuttered. His heartbeat picked up at how he was now sitting flush with Mark, their arms fully pressed up against each other.

"Then let's sleep." Mark pulled the both of them down so they were laying in a comfortable position. He would be lying if he said it felt wrong to have Jackson curled up in front of him or to say that Jackson wasn't the cutest little spoon ever. Quietly, he added, "I'll apologise tomorrow."

As the two drifted off to sleep, neither of them could have imagined the chaos that would follow them the moment Mark walked out the door the next morning.