translucent [markson]

[Twenty Eight] Loss

When Jackson walked into Jinyoung's room, he found Jinyoung to be an absolute mess. His hair was ruffled in all directions and books were strewn across the floor—he was just lying on the floor on top of it all. Jackson wasn't sure whether he should stay or not, so he slowly started taking small steps back out the door.

"I apologise for the mess. It's been a hell of a day," Jinyoung mumbled, eyes fixed to the ceiling.

"If now's not a good time, I can just come back later," Jackson suggested, still confused and unsure of what to do.

"No, it's fine. Can I just... talk it out but in English or something?" Jinyoung finally looked over to Jackson, his eyes seeming emotionless.

"Sure." Jackson's tone was raised like he asked a question, but he ignored his uncertainty and sat on the floor next to Jinyoung.

"So..." Jinyoung started, speaking in English. "I'm stressed out."

"Why are you stressed out? You seemed fine just yesterday."

"I thought it was fine, but BamBam made me stressed. His dad died and I'm the only person that wants to help him," Jinyoung sighed. He sat up and let his gaze follow the path of books and papers on his floor. "He got mad. He threw stuff around."

"His dad died?" Jackson asked, his voice unsteady and emotional. "And no one but you wants to help him?"

"Yeah. Mark is mad at him and Jaebum and Youngjae don't care about anything but each other," Jinyoung explained.

"That sucks." Jackson began taking his notebook out of his bag in hopes of changing the topic, but Jinyoung beat him to it.

"Mark is mad at me too. He thinks that I want to hurt you. How crazy is that?" Jinyoung tried to give Jackson the most honest look he could muster.

"Weird..." Jackson couldn't help but think back to what a Yugyeom told him. The fact that Jinyoung himself brought it up only made Jackson more wary of trusting him and he suddenly felt uncomfortable being alone in a room with Jinyoung.

"I know, right? I guess Mark doesn't really like me, but I think he cares about you. Kinda weird because you two aren't very close, huh?" Jinyoung made sure his curiosity didn't show, instead giving Jackson a slight smile.

"Yeah, I- uh..." Jackson stumbled on his words, his whole body twitching to get out of the room. Then an idea came to his mind and, before he could stop himself, his mouth began to spit out a lie. "Shit. I'm so sorry. I totally forgot that my roommate needed me today. He needed help studying and he's not exactly in the best state right now, so it would mean a lot to him if I could just be with him. I'm sorry."

"Oh. That's alright," Jinyoung told him. He didn't even make an effort to sound genuine. "I suppose you were looking forward to seeing me so much that you forgot? I'm just kidding. I get it."

"I'm really sorry I forgot. I should have told you beforehand," Jackson lied, hurriedly putting his backpack back on and standing up. The look in Jinyoung's face told him that he didn't fully believe Jackson, but Jackson could care less. He was being allowed to leave and he was taking the opportunity.

"It's okay, seriously. I'll see you tomorrow." Jinyoung gave an indifferent wave as he watched Jackson walk out the door. Once the door shut, he couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Yugyeom is so fucking dead tomorrow."

~

At first, Jackson did plan on actually spending time with Yugyeom. He really wanted to just talk things out—to talk about Jinyoung—but something was nagging him at the back of his mind. And that thing was none other than BamBam.

No matter what happened, BamBam was still like a little brother to him and he would never wish for anything bad to happen for him. Jackson knew how close BamBam and his dad were, so he knew that BamBam was most definitely struggling because of his dad's death.

And that's how Jackson found himself in front of BamBam's dorm. It was risky, considering Mark could be there and Jackson knew that; however, the wellbeing of the freshman he still considered to be one of his friends was more important than any possible awkward situation. But that didn't mean that he wasn't nervous when he knocked on the door.

"Bam, I heard what happened. Are you okay?" Jackson asked as soon as the door opened. Despite being absolutely elated to see Jackson, BamBam just rolled his eyes and began closing the door.

"Fuck off." The door was stopped right before it shut, Jackson's foot preventing it from closing.

"I just wanted to talk-" The door suddenly swung open to reveal a pissed off BamBam. Of course, he wasn't actually mad; rather, he didn't want Jackson to involve himself in BamBam's life again. BamBam knew that Jackson didn't deserve someone so rude and heartless to bother him.

"I'm fine, and I don't need your pity—or anyone else's!"

"I'm not trying to give you pity. I know it can be hard but talking always helps. We can talk about anything, just please don't shut me out anymore." Jackson fought the urge to hug BamBam because he was afraid BamBam would just shove him away.

"What the fuck would you even know? You have no idea what it feels like. You barely have a family to start off with, it's not like you'll ever know what it's like to lose a part of it," BamBam snapped, the words slipping out before he could stop himself.

His words were a slap in the face to Jackson. He was aware that BamBam wasn't in the best mood given the situation, but what he said was true. Jackson wouldn't truly understand how BamBam felt. His family had never given a shit about him, so he wouldn't miss them much if they were gone.

"Shit, Jackson. I didn't mean... I just-"

"It's okay." Jackson hid his pain well, but BamBam knew that what he said had gotten to Jackson.

"I'm sorry. Just... come in." BamBam dragged Jackson into the room without another word and immediately pulled him into a hug.

"Whoa. What happened? You were yelling at me a second ago," Jackson laughed, feeling all the emotion BamBam put into the hug.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. What I did was unforgivable. I'm so, so sorry," BamBam rushed out, tears threatening to spill.

"Honestly, it's okay. Really," Jackson assured him.

"But it's not okay. Why are you forgiving me? Why are-" BamBam's voice broke and he burst out into tears. His grip around Jackson became uncomfortably tight, but that only cause Jackson to hug him tighter.

"Bam, don't cry," Jackson cooed. "Everyone deserves a second chance, okay? You've stuck with me up until this year, so you're more than deserving of one."

"But I'm not. I don't deserve this." BamBam suddenly pushed Jackson off him and wiped away his tears. "You shouldn't let me back in. I'm just going to fuck everything up again. You should leave now."

"I'm not stupid. I know that's not what you want. Just let me help you." Jackson was so sincere and welcoming that BamBam could only nod and hide himself in Jackson's arms again. "Everything will be okay."

At least that's what Jackson thought until Mark walked in.