translucent [markson]

[Twenty Five] Rewind

Before the whole Mark situation, Jackson didn't mind eating lunch alone. Instead of going to the cafeteria or eating off campus, Jackson usually hung out in the library and ate his lunch while studying because that was one of the few places he could escape his peers. However, it was no longer what Jackson considered a safe place.

People talked about him nonstop, most people not caring that he heard what they said. It just so happened to be that Jackson didn't bother to buy a lunch and wanted to practice his French reading comprehension when things went downhill. Jackson felt the people staring at him and he heard them through his earbuds. It wasn't like they cared if he heard, anyway.

"Look at that. I hope he's finally decided to lose some weight," a voice said. Jackson couldn't bring himself to look at who said it. The voice wasn't that familiar, so Jackson didn't fully care.

"He's going to need to do more than starve himself to do anything about it," a second voice chimed in. The two people snickered and Jackson just sat, taking their words in.

"Maybe if he's going to starve himself, he might as well just do it to death. Let's face it, there's nothing that can fix him."

Jackson had to bite his lip to stop his tears from escaping. He told himself he wouldn't cry in public, but, as of recently, it seemed like that was all he was doing. He had never heard anyone talk about him killing himself, so he was a bit thrown off. Sure, the thought had crossed his mind briefly in the past and on more than one occasion; he just pushed the thought away and told himself to prove the world wrong. Still, he couldn't help but agree with them.

He had wanted to lose weight for a while, so he went to the gym on top of having fencing practice. But the fact that people were so openly commenting about him made him feel even more insecure than usual. A part of him just felt like curling up into a ball underneath his baggy sweater so no one could see him.

As he walked through the halls after lunch, it suddenly felt like everyone was staring at him. It seemed as though everyone could see how insecure and afraid he was. Everyone else seemed like they were flat out ignoring him, and not just because they were busy—they were actively ignoring him. Even Yugyeom seemed to avoid his gaze in the hall. And although this was all happening in Jackson's head, he knew that things were changing for the worse.

~

While Jackson left to head to Jinyoung's room, Yugyeom headed down the hall. The past few days, Yugyeom had been containing all his anger and resentment towards the one person he could blame Jackson's struggles on, but he could no longer hold it in. Everything that was happening—especially Jinyoung—was strange and Yugyeom wanted nothing more than to protect Jackson.

"Mark Tuan!" Yugyeom shouted, impatiently. No one answered the door after five minutes of waiting. "Answer your door!"

"Fuck, what do you want?" The door opened to reveal a groove, messy haired Mark, who had seemingly just woken up from a nap.

"You look like shit," Yugyeom deadpanned.

"Thanks. That was just what I wanted to hear." Mark rolled his eyes, but then moved aside to let Yugyeom in. "What did you want?"

"I want to know what the fuck you're doing." Yugyeom gave Mark an eerily indifferent look, despite all the emotions churning underneath the surface.

"What do you mean?"

"I hope you're kidding." Mark only shook his head. "Let's start with the confession, then. I know there's something going on between the two of you, so why the hell did you reject him like that. If anything, just tell him you don't feel the same and that's it. But no, you had to hit him too."