Lego House / jicheol

Whipping Attachments [1]

NAMIMISS niya si Seungcheol.

Well, to put boldly, he really does. But Jihoon is everything but bold. Of course he won't admit that to himself. Pero kahit gayunpaman, kahit sa sarili niya, hindi niya maitatanggi ang gabi-gabing pagtitig niya sa kanyang cellphone habang nakahiga sa kanyang kama at hinihintay itong magring. He can't deny his sudden perk ups whenever his phone does ring, only to get utterly disappointed when his name wasn't the one flashing across his screen. Hindi niya maitatanggi ang mga simangot sa kanyang mukha sa bawat gabing lumilipas nang walang natatanggap na kahit isang text mula sa kanya at ang bigat sa kanyang pakiramdam habang iniisip na baka tuluyan na nga siyang nakalimutan ng nakakatanda.

It was so hard to break away from a habit that has been formed over the months. Incessant texts bombarding back and forth their phones, conversations till late at night and occassional facetimes, its hard to get used to not getting used to those things anymore.

But admitting that he misses his voice, he misses his laughs over the phone, his lame jokes at the right times and the occassional heart-fluttering check ups on him would make Jihoon sound so clingy and he hated the thought of it. The thought of him abandoning his rationales just because of a petty longing for a man who was literally everything from fluff to rough, to appeal to ideal. (Ah shit, how can he pull this fucking difficult stuff off as if he's born to be this perfect?)

Longing for a man who isn't even his.

Hindi naman talaga siya clingy. Hindi siya 'yong tipong lalaking palaging nakaantabay sa kanyang phone para hintayin ang mga texts at tawag na hind na dumarating. Hindi siya 'yong tipong magdedemand ng explanation kung bakit hindi ito nagpaparamdam sa kanya. Hell, Jihoon was never one to throw himself at a man in a million years. But the undeniable, gaping hole inside him is there, bared, angry and demanding to be filled by no one else but a man whom he longs for so long yet denies it just as much.

He longs for Choi Seungcheol.

And he hated himself for that.

First, he hated himself for feeling that. Then, he hated himself for denying, like a fucking gradeschooler in denial of his first crush, a scowling and a blushing mess simultaneously. Finally, he hated himself for submitting completely to the feelings because that meant he finally lost.

He lost in his battle of feelings like a love-induced, hormonal teenager topped with rainbows, hearts and sparkles.

Fuck Choi Seungcheol, really. For messing with him every waking day from the moment they met.

It's been only a few months but he missed him so fucking badly.

*

"

WHY the fuck did I choose Math again?" Wonwoo slammed on the table hard, his face hitting his 300-paged Calc with a low thud. Isang mahinang sipol lang ang pinakawalan ni Jihoon habang paulit-ulit na pinagdidiin ang lapis niya sa music sheet nakaharap.

Wonwoo and his course crisis, never goes on a day without questioning his life decisions. Imbes na i-comfort ang kaibigan, tahimik na nilagyan ni Jihoon nang check ang mukha ni Wonwoo sa isip niya.

Math crisis for the day. Check.

Atleast hindi na niya maririnig ang reklamo ng kaibigan for the rest of the day.

"May crush ka kasi sa isa sa mga prof sa Math major. Kaya ka nag-Math," Soonyoung took the liberty to answer the obvious rhetorical question, tapping his pencil on Wonwoo's crown pretty hard. "Bottomline, malandi ka kasi."