Moonstruck - Stranger Things

Pain|1

M I K E

Eleven.

Her name, still stuck in the back of my head, bangs against my skull as if it holds a sledge hammer. Maybe she's trying to reach me. Maybe it's her ghost. Maybe I'm just going crazy.

Right after it happened, everything was just too chaotic for me to take in. Eleven was gone. Will was alive. There were monsters and other dimensions out there in the world. For a twelve-year-old, that was way too much. Perhaps for me, but not for her. She always understood all of that stuff.

Every night, I want to go look for her. I know she isn't just hiding in some tree in the woods, and that the whole thing is useless, but it still comforts me to know that I'm doing something. I like to remind myself that she could still be out there, that the girl with the superpowers isn't gone. She isn't gone.

Even a year later, the nightmares still come. I dream of the night it took her, of the bits of dust floating through the air, and of the monster that took her away from me. I usually wake up with a few tears streaming down my cheeks, the same tears that had run on November 13, 1983. Those nights are bad. Other nights, I dream of El coming back to me. I imagine her walking through the door, or finding her in the woods. It all seems so realistic, and the moment she falls into my arms, I feel happiness, safeness, for the first time in so long. As soon as the feelings wash over, I find myself jerking awake, the butterflies in my stomach transforming into wasps. My happiness turns to sorrow, anger, and loss. Those nights are the worst, and I know that there is no pain than the feeling I get when I realize that none of it was real. I had that dream last night, and I've been awake ever since. It's like my mind has flat-lined, like I can't even think anymore. I just don't have the energy.

They say that it gets easier with time, but I know that's bull. It seems as if I'm in the bottom of an hour glass, and with every day drops another grain of sand. I feel like there are only a few more grains of sand left, meaning that I'm running out of air. It's like she is my air.

The morning sun shining through the window brings me to my senses, and I realize that I'm in El's old tent. I can always remember the lingering smells like its tattooed into my nose. It always saddens me, how I get that same smell that holds great memories and great loss, how the light shines through the blinds on the window. It's because I get the same feeling every time, the knowledge that the day ahead will be just like every other day, only harder.

This morning seems different, like a greater weight has been put onto my shoulders. The supercom laying by the blanket, the "Benny's Burgers" tee shirt neatly folded in the corner, it all stimulates some trigger in my brain, and I begin to cry. I block out everything around me, I let all of my trapped feelings go. I hear my mother healing something at me, but I don't have the energy or urge to even try to listen. I usually try to stop myself from crying like this, but trapping demons only causes them to multiply.

"Mike!" I hear, snapping back to my senses and looking up from the tear stained blanket. I see Dustin, Lucas, and Will standing ahead of me, all with sorrowful looks on their faces.
"Dude, we've been here for like 5 minutes! You can't just here and cry. There's a better way to get through this."
"Mike, please don't do this," Lucas says.
"You bring back the memories," Dustin adds. "You make us feel sad again. We just want to forget, and you need to forget too."
Will just glances down at my tear-swollen, and I can see the sympathy in his eyes. He didn't know her, but he's heard enough stories.

"Just go to school, guys," I say, my voice cracking like it does when you cry. "I need to be alone."

"We can't leave you alone like this," Will says. "You aren't okay, Mike. Anyone can see that. You need to let go of the past."

"You don't understand," I mumble.

"Yes, I do. I spent a week in the upside down, and it has stayed with me, but I just forgot about it."

"You didn't lose someone, though. It's different," I say, letting my head fall against the wall.

"I lost myself," Will says. "I won't ever be the same, none of us will."

"Come on, everyone loses themselves at-" my talking comes to a halt when I hear something. On the other side of the wall, I recognize an all to familiar voice. I quickly scramble to my feet and look out the window. There she stands, surrounded by particles of white debris. Her now longer hair reaches to her shoulders, and dirt covers her face. Although I just saw the morning light, everything seems dark. "El!" I scream, and run towards the door. "El, is that you? Oh my god, I finally-"

When I open the door, bright sunlight hits my face. I look around, frantically, but she is nowhere to be seen. I run back inside and look out the window, but everything is just the same. I start to hear these unfamiliar voices in my head, and it's almost as if they're screeching. Everything becomes a blur, I can feel my heart rate increase, and the last thing I feel is my head if the ground.

_

"Please wake up for the love of God."
"Is he dead?"
"I don't know!"
"Is he breathing?"
"God's sake Dustin, shut up!"
"Hey, I think I know how to do CPR."
"Wait, he's opening his eyes!"

I slowly look at the faces of my best friends, and watch as they all sigh with relief. "Guys, what happened?" I ask.

"Basically, you got up, started acting all psycho, ran around everywhere, screamed Eleven's name a couple dozen times, then passed out," Dustin says, and I just close my eyes.

"I saw her. I swear, she was just outside the window."

"Mike, Will was right," Lucas says. "You need to let go before you go insane. This is going to end up hurting you really badly, maybe even killing you. You have to be careful."

I decide to go with it. With no more words said, my friends and I ride to school as if none of this had happened, but I think we all know the truth. I think that I'm going insane, but I also feel like she's still out there. It's a battle of the heart and the mind, like two demons inside of me. It's not really insane, not crazy, but moonstruck. Lost in love, going crazy, it's all in one.

I, Mike Wheeler, am moonstruck at the age of 13.