Moonstruck - Stranger Things

Monsters|2

Days come and go, as my mind becomes more and more of a wasteland.

I see her everywhere. I see monsters. I scream myself to sleep, and scream myself awake a few minutes later. I don't eat unless it's forced down by my mother. I can't think straight. And I'm way too far from normal, at a point of no return.

Everything that's happened in this past year, it's all starting to take its toll on me.

My body shakes as I hide under my bed from the demogorgon. Somewhere, deep in my mind, where I still have a little hint of normal, it is screaming that whatever is happening isn't real. But the rest of my mind, it is screaming the opposite. I can't seem to convince myself that the demogorgon I'm seeing right now isn't real, that it's just a figment of my imagination.
El is gone, I remind myself.
She isn't coming back. The demogorgon is dead. Stop hurting yourself.
It is real, another voice in my head says.
Warn your family, before its too late.

My consciences fight, one normal and one completely and utterly gone. My head aches, and I don't know how to handle it anymore. I guess the stronger voice in my mind will take over, and I'll just have to see which one it is.

"Mom, Nancy, Holly, run! It's coming after you!" I scream, my voice hoarse. The insane voice, the demon in my head, took control. And I know that there is no way of stopping it. I start hyperventilating, and squeeze my fists so tight that my hands turn white. I hear my door bust open, and suddenly I am frozen with fear.

"Mike, it's 3am! What are you doing? Is it another nightmare?" I hear Nancy say. No, she can't be here, it'll get her too.

"N-Nancy, run," I say, my whole body shaking.
"What?" She asks, and I hear her lifting up my covers. "Wait, Mike, where are you?"
"G-go. It's not safe!" I yell to her. She needs to run. She needs to get out of here-

What is happening to me?

I see her get down on the floor and look at me, with a sad expression on her face, and I know that she must sense what is going on. She grabs my hand and pulls me out from underneath the bed, and I immediately wrap my arms around her. One tear slips down my frail face, then two, then three. I'm full on sobbing in my big sister's arms, wondering why this had to happen to me.

"Mike, it's not real," she says, stroking my hair. "I understand what it is you're going through, but I have no idea how it must feel. I lost Barb, but I'm managing to cope. It was easier for me because I know that she's dead, and I think you need to accept Eleven's death too. You also just need to know that this isn't real. You are Mike Wheeler, you are 13 years old, your family is safe, and your mind is just trying to play games with you. Remind yourself that every time you get scared, and hopefully it will help. Remember that I'm always here for you, and I love you no matter what."

I look up at her with my tear-stained eyes, and I accept the fact that I will never once again be normal.

"I-I need some help, Nancy. I know a specialist wouldn't understand, because it would be kind of hard to explain how a monster killed the girl I loved. Please, help me. Please, I c-can't do this," I cry, and I see that she has tears coming from her eyes too.

"I promise."

Promise.
Hearing those words make me feel an indescribable and excruciating pain, one worse than being burned alive. It's not physical pain that hurts the most, but memories of the lost.

"Just hold on a little longer, okay? He's gone, the bad man is gone. We'll be home soon," I tell El, as she lies close to lifeless on the table. I hold her hands tight, making sure she stays with me. I can't lose her, not after everything we've been through together. I'm going to bring her home no matter what. "My mom, she'll get you your own bed, and you can have as many eggos as you'd like," I say, and at the mention of eggos, she gives me a broken smile. I try to give a happier one in return.
"And we can go to the snowball."
She grips my hands tighter, and tears well up in her eyes.
"Promise?" She asks.
"Promise."

I found her.
I took her in.
I took care of her.
I gained feelings her.
I fell for her.
I kissed her.
And then I lost her.

. . .

"Michael, at least eat something for breakfast," my mom says, and I sigh. I know deep down that I need to eat, but the dark depression taking over my mind tells me otherwise.
"There's no time for breakfast. I have to, um, get to school early. I'm tutoring this kid," I say, trying to be as convincing as possible.
"Oh, what's his name?" She asks, obviously not intrigued.
"Rory," I reply without thinking. I'm not exactly sure why I used the name of my toy dinosaur as an excuse, but it brings back another memory of El and I. I try not to think about it this time, I can't break down crying in front of my mom.

"Well, I better get going," I say. "I can't keep Rory waiting, he's pretty feisty."
And with that, I walk out the door. As I get on my bike, I wonder what I would have thought years ago if I know that one day, I would be making excuses to not eat. That I would be depressed and messed up and God knows what else. That my entire life would be changed because I met El. That I would never be the same, because I fell in love.

Insane, that's what I've become.
And there is absolutely no way of stopping it.