My Own Love Story (COMPLETED)

Chapter 9

SAIPH

[Content Warning: Some words are about self-harm and suicide. Please read at your own risk.]

I have been feeling lost for a long period of time. I was trapped on such a road I did not even know where would it take me. It was a very long and winding road. The silence, the hopelessness, and the uncertainty have all been together in that place. I couldn't scream and shout for help after I have lost my power to talk. As I have fallen deaf, I never could hear anyone constantly calling out to me. As I have been left ruined and blind, I never saw anyone or anything else again. I felt empty—lost somewhere in the woods, in a place far away where no one will ever find me. I was frightened to death, but I knew I have to take a stand for myself. And yet, I don't know why I loathed my own self. I resented out this whole cosmos.

I thought—it made me look hideous as tormented as I am. And with this, no one has ever loved me amidst my looks.

I felt utterly unloved and worthless of everything. Everyone in my milieu got me feeling that way a lot. Far too many drunken nights in my entire life, I cried and cried. I wanted to keep slashing my wrists and making myself continue to bleed out all of the agony that have been building up somewhere inside me. And just how many times have I tried to end my own existence by intaking several drugs, popping pills, and even hanging myself? No one here tried to understand what I was doing. No one ever tried to ask me why I did this and that or what I was going through. They thought I was delusional. They said that such monsters are merely figments of my mind. They did not even believe me when I said that the creatures who were constantly whispering to me were true and lingered next to me at all instances. No one did believe me when I desperately cried out to be saved. No one ever stepped in to help me. These enemies have been the only ones who have stayed with me throughout this tragedy.

"Ang aga aga nakabusangot ka na agad." Bungad sa'kin ni Avior saka niya iniabot sa'kin ang isang bote ng coke.

Ngumiti ako nang pilit nung pinisil niya ang pisngi ko.

It's been two days since nung sagutan namin ni mommy at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin kami nag-uusap. Sinubukan kong hindi kami magtagpo kahit nasa iisang bahay lang kami. Hinid ko kasi alam kung paano ko siya haharapin. Ni hindi ko siya magawang tingnan kahit saglit.

Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat ba 'kong makonsensya sa lahat ng mga binitawan kong salita sa kanya. Pero at some point, natutuwa ako na after all the times na I was shut up, ngayon I was able to tell her how I really felt deep inside.

"Ano bang problema mo?" Tanong sa'kin ni Avior.

"Hindi mo magugustuhan. Hayaan mo na lang." Sabi ko sa kanya.

Hindi na rin naman siya nagtanong pa at sabay kaming pumunta sa Principal's Office. Ngayon kasi 'yong sinasabi kong pinapapunta ang parents namin. Pero alam ko namang hindi darating si mommy, kaya ako na lang ang haharap. Sasabihin ko na lang na busy siya sa trabaho at hindi makakadalo. After all, ssinabi na rin niyang bahala akong ayusin itong gulo ko.

"Bellatrice?" Gulat na sabi ng mommy ni Eos nung makita niya 'ko.

I just smiled bitterly. Ang hirap pala talagang mabuhay sa multo ng taong wala na.

"Bellatrice? Did I hear you wrong, Ma'am? She is Bellatrix." Pagsabat ni Avior saka siya tumingin sa'kin.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you po, pero you're mistaken. Siguro dahil nga magkamukha kami talaga ng ate ko. But by the way, I am Saiph Bellatrix Dellacroix." Nakangiting sambit ko.

Hindi naman kasi talaga masyadong alam ng karamihan na nag-eexist ako kasi sia ate lang ang talagang kilala nila. Who wouldn't diba? Our mommy would always brag about her to all the people we know. No wonder, nakakagulat nga namang makita nila ako. Baka akala nila, nabuhay bigla ang kapatid ko.