My Own Love Story (COMPLETED)

Chapter 16

SAIPH

After what happened, I was discharged from the hospital two days ago. I watched how content my mother was around my sister during those days. It seemed like her existence have already changed given that it was now filled of rainbow hues. She is completely different from the somber and bleak hues I painted her. I came to the realization that just maybe she merely loves my sister more compared to me.

I sometimes think it's wrong. Suddenly, I feel like the real villain. I should have been thankful that my sister is safe and sound and back at home. Nevertheless, the evil part of me wants and whispers, "Why did she have to make it out alive?"

I feel utterly betrayed. She's the only one I have, and that when she suddenly died, I felt sad and lonely. Day after day, I tried to blame myself, wanting that I had ended up dead rather than her. I paid a heavy price for her death for long periods of time. And so now I'll find out that she's completely fine, she's actually alive, and she's happy to live from afar. While me, I continued to suffer day in day out, thereby paying the price of her death.

What infuriates and ends up hurting me has been that she unexpectedly returned and decided to act as though nothing had happened. It's as if she wanted everything be normal again, as though I had never been hurt, neglected, or perhaps even existed. How, I mean? Things have turned into a disaster and chaotically. How come she appears to think it's so simple to bring everything that the extreme pain fades away and the wound heals in an eye blink? I wish it had all been that simple, but it's not.

I tried to act normal, to simply accept that situations had happened the way they did. I really would like to keep moving forward like they were doing, but I just can't. I just am not prepared to face all of these. I still am not ready to find where forgiveness and acceptance exist in my heart. I'm not yet prepared to be pushed aside and completely neglected now that she's asked to return.

I'm utterly exhausted. All I want right now is to simply close my eyes and sleep peacefully, far away from all of this bullshit.

"Saiph?" Pagtawag sa'kin ni Yed matapos niyang kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko.

"Nakabukas 'yan." Sagot ko sa kanya saka ako bumangon.

"Kamusta na ang pakiramdam mo?" Kaagad na tanong niya pagpasok niya ng kwarto.

Natawa na lang ako nang mahina matapos kong marinig iyon. Hindi ko kasi alam kunga no ang isasagot o kung sasagutin ko pa ba.

"Hindi ko rin alam." Sagot ko sa kanya.

Inakbayan niya 'ko at nginitian.

"Huwag ka nang magtanim ng sama ng loob sa ate mo. Malay natin may rason siya kung bakit niya nagawa 'yon diba? Bakit hindi mo siya bigyan ng chance magpaliwanag?" Sabi ni Yed.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at inalis ang pagkakakbay niya sa'kin.

Why is it that no one seems to understand how I feel? They don't get me. They're probably thinking that I'm acting like a brat just because I feel like doing so.

"Gustuhin ko man, hindi pa ako handang makinig. Pakiramdam ko ay kasinungalingan lang lahat nang maririnig ko. Kaya mas mabuti pang huwag muna. Magkakasakitan lang kami lalo." Sagot ko sa kanya.

Napatayo siya at pilit akong hinila.

"Hindi na kita pipilitin kung ayaw mo talaga. Pero, tara na sa baba. Kakain na tayo. Kanina ka pa hinahanap ni grandpa." Sabi ni Yed.

Hindi na lang ako nagreklamo at nagpakaladkad sa kanya pababa kahit na ayoko sanang kumain muna dahil ayaw ko silang makasalo sa hapag-kainan. Dalawang araw na rin akong nagpapahatid ng pagkain sa kwarto ko at hindi lumalabas dahil ayaw ko talaga silang makita.