IM MRS PADILLA -- SHE'S MY WIFE [KathNiel]

SMW 30.5

SMW 30 part 2, i.

A short pov from kathryn bc y not. I think she deserves it somehow???? i was supposed to publish this last week but our wifi broke :--( so yeah, sorry for the delay. It would be awhile for the next update since it has three parts but you can look forward to it. 😉

Kathryn

Naramdaman ko naman ang pagdating ni Mama sa kwarto ko. Niyakap ko lang yung unan ko, not minding the tears that are running from my eyes. Nakakapagod din palang umiyak. Nakakamanhid. Nakakatanga.

"Nak, I heard what happened.. Intindihin mo nalang si DJ.. Baka naman masyado lang siyang stressed. " Hindi ako umiimik. I know it's not just that.. Akala ko.. Akala ko hahabulin niya ko. Akala ko pipigilan niya kong umalis, i thought he would want me to stay.. Pero i was wrong..

Sumobra na nga ba 'ko?

Did i went overboard?

Am i really wrong for being scared? I went to US with Light kasi akala ko it's for the better. Na baka mas maganda na yun ang mangyare. Everything was a mess.. Hindi ko na alam kung anong ginagawa ko.  Pero really, yun lang talaga ang alam ko. Kasi nakakatakot. DJ was too perfect.. He might not be real perfect but he was for me. He was too perfect for me... I'm wrecked. I'm a walking dilemma. Hindi ko alam kung worth it pa ba ko para sakanya. I don't know kung kakayanin ko bang iwan niya ko when the time comes.

That's why I left him,

because i'm too selfish..

I left him because he was too perfect and I'm afraid that he would just leave me.

It's not as if he would've stayed, If I hadn't left him first.

He was meant to leave..

I knew it.

Alam kong mangyayare yon, pero i'm too scared for that. Kaya ako nalang.. Ako nalang yung umalis.

He would be tired of me.. Alam ko yun.. Sa dami nangyayare sakin? Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin niya ba... hindi ko alam kung willing ba siyang i-endure lahat ng mangyayare samin.

Walang magandang nangyayare sakin, samin.. Ever since Brae died.. This thought had been in my mind. Gusto kong magsorry kay Brae, because she has a weak mom.. Yun nga siguro yung dahilan kung bakit niya ko iniwan.

Soon enough, DJ would do that too.

Soon enough, iiwan din ako ng lahat.

Lahat naman, lahat naman mangiiwan. Lahat mananakit. Nakakasawa din pala.

"Anak.. you need to live.. Stop crying.. tama na 'to. Maawa ka sa sarili mo. Give up, Kath." Napatingin naman ako kay Mama.

How?

How to give up?

When I even left him but my heart finds it's way back?

"Hindi ko na alam Ma.. I really don't know anymore. " Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili 'ko niyakap ko na si Mama at dun ako sa balikat niya umiyak.. I don't know but feeling ko 5 yrs old ulit ako yearning for a mother's hug.

"I'm still here Anak.. You're not alone. You will never be alone kasi andito pa si Mama.. Hinding hindi kita iiwan." Lalo lang ako napahagulgol sa balikat niya.. Please ma, wag mo ko ng iiwan. Because pag-nangyare pa yon, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

I'm scared to be left out, that's why i'm like this.

I'm too scared.

"You have to be strong.. bakit pinili mo pa si Light when you still love DJ... yun lang iniisip ko, sobrang naawa ako kay Light.. don't get me wrong.. DJ is wonderful as my son-in-law but how about a no already? How about we stop, and start-over? How about you.. you start-over without him? especially now, DJ already ordered for the divorce papers.."

is it really my only choice?

i really felt sorry kay Light.. i did love him.. i trully did.. pero hindi kasi katulad ng pagmamahal ko kay DJ.

It was above and beyond that.

It was always DJ... it would always be him...

pero paano na ngayon?

Daniel

"Ma, ano ba. I told you I'm more than sure.. Just get the papers ready.. Ako na bahala papirmahan kay Kath.. I'll talk to her, it's about time." For the nth time kong sinabi kay Mama. Kanina pa siya ganyan, ayaw niyang maniwalang sure na sure na ko

Why can't she just trust me?

I know this would be the best choice for me and Kathryn.

It's the last strand of chance.. This is the last.

And I need to break it.. the marriage.

After many realizations.. alam kong eto na siguro ang pinaka-magandang gawin.. I just hope I'm right.

Ang kailangan ko nalang is the divorce papers.. Kath's signature.. and a plan.

Plan for the both of us.

Narealize kong wala na si Mama sa kwarto ko, maybe she already gave up and left to the lawyer. Just as what I need.

Hindi ko din naman pwedeng kausapin na agad si Kathryn.. I can feel that she's still not ready..

Hays, Daniel. I really hope you made right decision.

I opened my uppermost drawer and grabbed a picture frame.

Hi baby..

Brae's picture inside..

It's been awhile since you left.. it's actually already been long.. pero ang sakit padin..

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but I can't still talk to you without crying. Ang sakit padin niya baby. Bakit kasi kailangan mo pang umalis?

Baka sana kung nandito ka pa, mas madali.. madaling maayos ang mga problema. We need you.

Sana baby, sana tama 'tong desisyon ko. Kasi, diba.. ayoko talaga saktan si mommy mo. Damn, masyado ko nga siyang mahal to hurt her. Pero baby alam mo naman diba na we're both wounded. Too much wounds, and we can't heal if we're together kasi nga parehas kaming wounded... it's either may isang gagaling at isang lalala.. or parehas lang magkakasakitan.

And i don't want that.

Maybe we can be apart.. Just to heal ourselves.

Eto nalang kasi ang alam ko brae... ang start-over.

Actually baby, may part nga sakin na sinasabi why should I still care for your mom eh sinaktan na niya ko. Iniwan. Playing with our marriage.

Testing me.

Ewan ko, kahit gustung-gusto ko na talagang mawalan ng pake kay Kath.

I just can't.

Starting off, alam kong parehas naman kaming nahihirapan..

Parehas kaming na-tie sa marriage na 'to. Yes i love her from the start.. pero hindi ko alam kung ganon din siya sakin... This marriage was too complicated.

We're still young.

Anything can happen.

I just need fate to side with our love.

Yun nalang ang pag-asa namin.

I wish you could help us, baby.

It's the very last strand of chance for your mom and I's lovestory.