The Story of Griffin Hawkins

Chapter Eighteen

2014 Copyright All Rights Reserved

Unedited, first draft

Chapter Eighteen

Week Five

Tuesday

            The entire east coast, including the state of Ohio was about to get slammed by a massive snowstorm coming from the Midwest. Despite the incoming weather, the sun was shining, but it was sub zero temperatures. I bundled myself entirely including an extra few layers just to deal with the freezing air. I practically stripped myself down in Dr. Harris' office just to get comfortable and not overtly sweat my body's worth of fluids. Armed with a pen and notepad, as per usual, Dr. Harris wanted to hear about how Ross's story made me feel.

            "I felt proud." I admitted to her.

            "Why did you feel proud of him?" She retorted.

            "He has more courage and strength than I would ever have."

            She stared at me, "Why do you think you aren't strong enough to live through what he did?"

            I contemplated this, "Because I'm barely keeping my head above water and what I've dealt with is nothing compared to what Ross dealt with."

            She nodded, "And that makes you proud of him."

            "I'm proud of someone who has gone through some shit and manages to pull through and continue to live their life. It doesn't matter if I've never met them or it's a random person, I will be proud of the survivors." I paused, "He's young, he hasn't experienced college and life, and yet he's been through hell."

            "You are young as well Cadence, you still haven't fully experience life yet."

            I bobbed my head up and down in agreement. There was a lot I hadn't experienced like true love, marriage, having children, and numerous happy moments that life could give me. "Honestly, I think he gives me hope that if he can go through the mental torture and come out on top, then I can too."

            "That's a positive outlook, I haven't heard much of that from you." She cocked her head to the side.

            "Well, it's a work in progress."

            "Tell me what else has been going on." She uncrossed her legs and crossed them again.

            "Uh..." I debated with myself as to whether I should tell Dr. Harris about my involvement with Griffin. It wasn't as if she would go and run her mouth to Griffin, it was against doctor-patient confidentiality. "Griffin talked to me and suggested that maybe we could help each other out, getting through some issues. I'm not even sure exactly what he meant. I've seen him a few times out at the bars, at parties and my restaurant. There are times when he's nice and caring, and then there are times when he's a cold-hearted bastard." I confessed, "I cannot stand his mood swings, he is absolutely infuriating. Last time I talked to him, he told me to stay away from him. I know, from everyone telling me so, to avoid him and not worry about him. But, I can't help to feel some type of connection with him. I'm drawn to him like a moth to a flame."

            Dr. Harris stared at me, her expression unchanging. I couldn't read her and didn't know what her reaction would be to my entire relationship, or lack thereof, with Griffin. I bit my lip and continued, "When he gets moody and tells me to stay away from him, it makes me feel terrible."