The Story of Griffin Hawkins

Chapter Sixteen- Ross's Story

2013 Copyright All Rights Reserved

Unedited, first draft 

Chapter Sixteen 

Week Four

Thursday

            Griffin was early. He wasn’t usually early, but today he was. I walked in and took a seat next to him, ignoring the fact that he had kissed me. I was numb I wasn’t hurt anymore. I took off my jacket and felt his eyes bore into the side of my face. I glanced at him and shrunk back at the cold look in his dark, mysterious eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but he abruptly left the room. I rolled my eyes at his bi-polar behavior, not in the mood to empathize.

            I bit my lips until they began to bleed waiting for group to start. Griffin came back at the last moment and Chanel and Patrick sat next to me. Dr. Harris informed us that Ross decided to tell us his story today. Ross was the youngest of the group, a high school senior ready to graduate. His red hair was unfavorably shaped in a bull cut on his head, only slightly more disheveled. His eyes were blue and his smile was mellow and uncomfortable. He was taller than me though he was lanky and almost too thin. He gripped a few sheets of paper in his pale hands.

            He pushed his wire-rimmed glasses up his face and I could visibly see his hands shake the paper. He swallowed harshly and avoided everyone’s eyes.

            “I’m-I’m sorry if this, um, takes awhile to say. I, um, have a social anxiety disorder and find it really h-hard to talk in groups.” He said looking off the paper; his face flamed red with absolute embarrassment.

            Everyone says that you could pinpoint a moment that changed your life; mine was the death of my best friend—my only friend. Joshua was my best friend for as long as I could remember. I still don’t know why Joshua would ever be my friend, we’re total opposites. He was outgoing and everybody, including girls, liked him. He was constantly being invited by parties and going out on dates with different kinds of girls. He would come over or call me late at night to tell me all about it. He had invited me a few times, but I could never get myself to go.

            Joshua knew I was in a shell, but his death made it worse. Joshua died two years ago in a car accident. He was coming home with his parents and sister when the roads were so icy that the car spun out off the road and into a tree. The impact was where Joshua was sitting. His sister and mother survived, but his father was wheelchair bound. They moved away not long after his death.

            Everyone in school mourned the loss of Joshua, they cried and got angry at losing someone they loved and adored. No one, not even my parents, realized the loss I felt at losing Joshua. He was my only friend, the only one who kept me sane and alive, he was like my brother. He looked out for me; no one messed with me because of Joshua. My parents didn’t even care that I had lost someone, it was like there was a void in my heart and I was invisible again.

            I felt a physical pain in my chest from his death and the pain became worse over the summer before my junior year. Joshua and I spent every summer together, but he wasn’t there for this one. I started cutting myself, nothing too deep or frequent, but halfway through the summer I couldn’t stop. I was addicted to the blood and the pain, and yet I was still invisible.

            As my junior year started without Joshua, things went from bad to worse. My cutting increased to at least a few times a day, I didn’t even wait for some to heal. The teasing began they didn’t know whom I was and that I was Joshua’s friend. I got teased for my dark clothes and need to wear long sleeves, they also teased about my red hair. Then, the physical torment began.