Skii's Junk: Rants

The Dentist's

Today I'm going to rant about something I'm sure we can all relate to. Something we all experience at least once a year. Yes, I'm talking about going to the dentist. Now I like getting my teeth cleaned just as much as the next person. In fact I'm one of those people who can literally spend hours trying to get this one piece a salad from between my teeth.

But I'm getting off topic. First let's go through the stages of having a dentist appointment. First your mom tells you twenty minutes before hand that you are going to the dentist that day. Couldn't you have told me earlier?! Thanks mom!

Why do I need such an early notice you may ask. Well I'll tell you in one word. Flossing. Apparently, how it works is the more you floss the less likely you are to bleed during an appointment. Whether this actually works I don't know. I've never floss my teeth often enough to find out.

Seriously though. That feeling of awful dread or guilt when the dentist asks, "when was the was the last time you flossed?"

And we know the real answer is whenever you had your last Dentist appointment but of course, being the shameless human beings we are, we say something vague like, "Uh a week or two ago or something close to that."

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get back to when your mom breaks the news to you. Then you of course rush to the bathroom and brush like nobody's business (like it'll really help). I'm talking like brushing so much that you're surprised you still have you're teeth when you're done. You can't even feel your tongue at this point.

Then you actually leave for the dentists office, wait in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity and a half and then you are called. This is when you start to feel nervous all over again. You get into one of those weird, electric moving chairs. You know the ones that make make you feel like Darth Vader?

Anyways, you lay down in one of those and the dentist will ask you those probing questions that make you think about your lack of care of hygiene. Then he actually starts working on your teeth. But while having his hand halfway down your esophagus, he decides to talk about life and ask you questions about how you've been and such. All while having his hand in your freakin face hole while holding sharp instruments. And I feel rude for not answering so I always say something incoherent like "Mphrosnkdjfbc" but for some reason he always answers. I don't know how he understands me or even if he does but he always has some reply like "I see" or "Yes, it's  the same with my kids."

Then comes the inevitable moment when he stabs your mouth with one of his intimidatingly scary sharp thingies and then proceeds to say something along the lines of, "tsk! Your bleeding. That's because you don't floss."

EXUSE ME YOU JUST STABBED ME IN MY FACE THATS WHY IM BLEEDING!

Then when your all done he calls his assistant in and they start speaking really technical about your teeth and you just sort of sit there awkwardly because they're taking about your gums and stuff but at the same time I kind of feel like they're taking bad about me.

"She has oral pathology sensitivity with a bit of bicuspid gum decay."

"SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YA TWIT!!"

And then you get a new toothbrush cause your old one's bristles are falling out and a new packet of floss (HAHAHAHA LIKE YOUR GONNA USE IT??) and maybe a sticker or some crap like that and you leave with the knowledge that you can't eat for two hours or some rule like that that you don't follow. And that sums up another lovely day at the dentist's.