SOME DAYS, YOU FEEL sad for no reason. Like you miss someone that was never there or you lost someone that was dear to your heart. The same feeling ate at Mara when she moved back to the small town after a year abroad. It was as if she was new to the place. Somehow, everything seemed smaller, suffocating her from the inside. Maybe it wasn't the place, maybe it was just her.
As she walked through the familiar streets, she let herself be swept away by the memories that each corner held. Another turn it was the place she had her first drop of alcohol, the burn feeling fresh on her throat. She passed a closed restaurant, the spot where she had her first date. And under a familiar streetlamp where the memory of her first kiss lay.
And she ended up in front of the same place that she always would. The lake was isolated which seemed to be the only similarity form the past and the present. The tiny police force had deemed to the lake unsafe and so nobody dared to set foot near it.
She gasped slightly when she found a figure sitting at the edge of the dock dangerously, rocking back and forth as if he was swaying to music. Biting her lip, she analyzed the figure, putting a name to the boy almost instantaneously. The smoke around him diffused into the night air, and she felt the melancholy grip at her body once again.
"Jungkook?" The name left her lips in surprise. He wasn't someone she could forget about just like that. A year ago, him and his friends dominated the space, providing what little light the dreary town could take. And then they were gone, out into the real world and to their separate ways. It seemed like Jungkook was left behind.
He turned around at the sound of his name. When he noticed the familiar face, his lips parted. "Mara."
Swallowing her hesitance, she stepped forward. "I thought you had forgotten me."
"How could I forget my first kiss?" He retorted, his head hanging back. He made no move to invite her to sit beside him so she took the initiative, settling down on the unsteady dock.
"Is this safe?" She asked, trying to create conversation.
"Probably not." He noticed the tension between the two of them but did nothing to soothe it. "Why're you back?" He asked bluntly. Mara hadn't remembered him to be so upfront.
She shrugged, disregarding his attitude. "Decided to complete my senior year here."
"You made a mistake." He took another deep breath of the cigarette.
"It's a beautiful town." She noted.
He pressed the end of the cigarette into the old wood before throwing it into the lake. Then with a sigh, he laid his head back. "The only way I'll ever find this place beautiful is when I'm looking back at it."
Mara stole glances at his neutral face without making it obvious. She could tell that there was a storm brewing underneath his calm facade. "Are- are you okay?" She finally asked although she knew the answer full well. She wanted him to assure her that he was okay. That he was doing good. She didn't know why. They hadn't been too close. The only relationship they had with each other was that they were each other's first kiss. And apart from that, it was only nods and smiles exchanged in the hallways of their school.
"No." The honesty of his answer took her aback. "I'm sad." The second sentence hurt her. Memories of the boy that she once knew flashed before her eyes. Where he would dance at every chance he got and he would idolize his friends, chasing any opportunity to be with them. Who would have thought that the youngest would be the sad one?
But that was how life was now. And there was nothing she could say other than some bullshit answer. "It'll get better."
He knew that she didn't even believe her own words and so, a humorless laugh left his lips. "You don't really understand and I can't explain anything."
"What don't I understand?"
"My best friend committed suicide and everyone left me." He stated, staring at the night sky. There were no stars, the clouds concealed them from view. If she stared at him any longer, she was scared that she was going to fall in love with him like never before.
"Can you hold my hand?" Jungkook asked, not taking his eyes off the sky.
Slowly, Mara let her hands meet his and it wrapped around his tightly. "It's going to be okay, Jungkook."
"Fuck, they all left and I'm the one being left behind. I guess I really am that worthless, huh?" He breathed out. His body felt heavy and if he had the courage, he wanted to sink to the bottom of that lake and not come out.
All Mara could say in return was, "You're heaven in someone's eyes, Jungkook."
And she fell. Harder than she had ever before. She felt him hurt more than anybody else did and god, she prayed that she wouldn't fall crazy in love.
Somehow, he understood her. "I'm all kinds of messed up, Mara. I'm fucked up and more." He repeated.
"That's okay. I think you're a work of art." She smiled softly down at him, her hands squeezing around his comfortably.
Jungkook was a beautiful work of art. Some people didn't understand him but the ones who did never forgot him and she wasn't ready to let him go just yet.
