not today | joshler

Twelve

Twelve

ONE   YEAR
A        G       O
(BEFORE JOSH DIED)

Tyler smiled into his boyfriend's skin. They'd been sleeping together on Josh's black and navy bed. Josh's breath was steady on Tyler's nose.

Their feet were tangled together, and their fingers stayed intertwined.

"Ty, you make me so happy." Josh whispered and gave Tyler a kiss on his nose.

He smiled; his face heated up only slightly. "You make me happier."

Josh kissed his lips, just a slight brush of their lips until Tyler pushed himself against his boyfriend, deepening the kiss.

His hands tangled themselves in Tyler's hair, pulling him closer. Josh always touched his boyfriend like he was glass, but now, it didn't occur to him. They were like werewolves, pulling at each other.

Tyler used his free hand to unbuckle Josh's jeans, slipping them off. He could feel Josh's bulge against his hand; he rubbed it slightly.

Josh released a small moan against Tyler's lips, making him smile in a teasing manner.

Josh threw off his shirt, rubbing his hands against Tyler's tan skin. Tyler took off his jeans, too, showing his own bulge. He straddled Josh's hips, moaning against Josh's lips.

But Josh pulled back, hastily and hesitantly. His cheeks were red, and so were Tyler's, and they were both panting.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I-I c-can't, Ty. I can't. I can't. I'm sorry." Josh said, bursting into tears.

He never cried. The boy never cried, not since six years ago when his grandmother died, but now he was breaking down in front of him.

"Joshie, what's wrong?" Tyler said, worryingly. He used his thumbs to wipe his tears, which seemed to never stop. "Please stop crying, Joshie, you're going to make me cry." He choked back a tiny sob that tried to escape.

"I can't have sex with you. I can't be with you. I-I– I can't love you." Josh said, removing Tyler's hands from his face and wiping off the last of his tears.

"Don't say that, Josh!" Tyler cried. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I CAN'T LOVE YOU, TY, BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE!"

"JOSH, PLEASE! DON'T–"

Josh grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him closer, hard and harsh, and kissed him. He tasted like salty tears. Josh bit Tyler's bottom lip, slipping his tongue in his mouth and–

And Josh pulled away, resting their foreheads together. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean all of that; I was just really angry from what my mom was telling me earlier and took it out on you. You know how she is, with being homophobic." Josh said with a smile. "Will you forgive me?"

"Yes, it's okay. I-I know." Tyler said with a smile.

Tyler gave him a small peck on his lips.

Love made you blind.

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triple update!! (((: hopefully i'll be updating frequently with this story b/c each chapter is short and stuff and i know how i'm going to end it ((: