(Photo of Ash above: Sky Ferreira)
Song is Echo by Jason Walker <3
The weekend had dragged on slowly and I was glad it was over with at last. Mondays may have been my least favourite day of the week but at least it wasn't Saturday or Sunday. Those were the days when I felt trapped in my own home.
Anyway, school may have been boring but it was an escape from my home life if you forgot about the few individuals that enjoyed constantly tormenting me between classes. That was the downside of school: bullies. They seemed to just love the pleasure of picking on those who are weaker than them.
On this Monday in particular though, there was one thing that I was looking forward to just a little bit. My eyes were sore from my lack of sleep over the weekend and I felt so physically drained but there was one thing keeping me going. I wanted to see Eli again. This was a little easier said than done.
I wasn't entirely sure where Eli hung around in school or who with. I couldn't exactly go ask people because then questions will start appearing and that would just cause more issues that I have to face.
If I could just see him, even if it's a quick glance at him to let him know I was there, I can go about what I was going to do on Friday until he interrupted me. I needed to separate myself from anything or anyone holding me back.
The hallways were quite packed at this time in the mornings so I hoped he would be there. It wasn't too early and it wasn't too late. I scanned each face, hoping for it to be his but none of them were. Just when I was about to give up though, I heard a voice say his name. It was no mistake either, I heard it clearly in the midst of all the noise.
"Eli!" It was a boy that definitely wasn't in any of my classes. He wasn't a popular kid but was in between, I guessed.
He stepped forwards and Eli came around a corner to greet him. Both boys grinned at each other and started a lighthearted conversation that I frankly didn't care to listen to.
I walked forwards in hopes of being noticed but it was in vain. Eli and the other boy walked off and I lost track of where they were going. Tiredly, I sighed and turned the other way to head to class. Maybe I would have better luck at lunch instead.
I admit, I was disappointed. I was also surprised neither of them noticed me there since my hair usually gives away. I had it dyed a light ash blonde a year back as if to mock my name.
"Miss Winters, you're in early today." Stated my teacher, Mr Andrews as I walked past him into class.
"You know how enthusiastic I am about school, Mr Andrews." I responded sarcastically, rolling my eyes when I wasn't facing him.
"Ah, so enthusiastic that you're failing maths and science!"
"Yep, always happy to hear about my latest successes." I sat down in my usual seat in the corner, pulling out my notebook.
"You're a bright girl, Ashton. I don't see why this is happening." He carries on, walking over to my desk and sitting down in front of me. "Is there something distracting you that I should know about? Something at home, maybe?"
"Nothing." I answered, his questioning starting to get on my last nerve. Plus, no one called me by my proper name anymore. "I'm just a little tired, that's all."
"Okay then." He walked away. "Just try getting your head out of the clouds."
I get that the guy was only asking out of concern but he sometimes angered me with the way he continued asking me questions and commenting on things that had nothing to do with him. He was another problem. Too much curiosity can cause him to find out about what was going on and what I wanted to do to myself. I needed to be careful.
Two classes had dragged by and it had already tired me out. I couldn't wait until the day was over so I could just retreat to my room and avoid my family once again. But at least it was lunch now and I could continue my search for Eli.
This time, I located him easily. He was sat at a lunch table with a few of his friends. These seemed to be the hipster and art kids. Some of them were quite talented at photography, I admit.
As soon as I saw him, he must have sensed it because his gaze slid across from his friend to me. I stood like a fool near the doors and he stared at me before murmuring something to his friends and left the table.
I wasn't sure what to do so just waited patiently until he stood in front of me. He then gently tugged my arm and led me out of the cafeteria.
"You're here." He said at last, looking slightly surprised that I was actually there in person.
"Well you didn't see me on the news so I guess it isn't that surprising." I replied with a smirk.
"No, I'm just glad." He smiled, annoying me with his kindness. "I thought you were going to do it, like for real."
"I was going to do it for real last time." I snap, my voice raising slightly. "This time, I'll make sure I have no distractions."
He stayed quiet for a few moments, obviously in debate of what to say to me. "Why? You have so much to live for so why end your life?" His voice was small, sounding more like a child's than a teenager.
"I have my reasons and I'll stick by them. You don't have a clue what it's like so why judge me?"
"That's exactly why I am judging you. You won't tell me so I don't have any idea why you want to do this. So why?"
"I hardly know you. I'm not going to tell you about myself just so you can feel better about your own actions because you reached out to a suicidal person." I sighed and turned away from him. This was enough. I came into school like he'd asked and this would be where it ended.
"Then why not get to know me?" He suggests, gaining my attention again. "You can turn around right now and come with me and I can help you through whatever is happening."
"But-"
"-Come on." He grabbed my arm, pulling me along with him. "I'll introduce you to your new friends."
Friends? I made sure to separate myself from all of those. There was no point building up a relationship with people if I was just going to end up dead anyway. I'd rather they hate me than cry for me once I'm gone.
"Fine." I respond at last. "Let's just get this over with already."
