Dear Ashton,
I don't think you're the type of person to enjoy receiving letters but I'm hoping you will let it slide just this once. This will be my first and last letter to you so please read carefully.
For roughly the past year, I had been distancing myself from people other than Jett and my mother. You were an exception to this.
The night we met, I had just had an argument with them because of my illness and I had left the house to cool off. That's when I found you in the park, looking just as desperate as I felt. In that moment of panic, I forgot about not involving myself with society and instead decided to save the girl I had always wanted to talk to.
It's true. Ever since you moved to our school I had wanted to talk to you but I never got the chance. After I found out I didn't have long to live I definitely didn't want to cause you anymore pain that what you were already going through. I'm sorry.
Anyway, I could tell you hated me the moment you replied to me from up on that bridge. I could see the hatred in your eyes but that wouldn't stop me from saving you.
I was jealous of you. Jealous that you could choose when your life should end when I wouldn't have a choice, whether I wanted to die or not, within a few months I would be dead and gone.
You probably thought I was one of those spoilt rich kids who never had to go without anything. I would think that too if I were in your shoes. I can understand why you hated me.
Sometimes I hate me too.
Still, I wanted to help you because that's just the type of thing Elijah Barnes would do, isn't it? Maybe if I had the chance to grow up I would've become a doctor or I would've volunteered to help in a crisis. I can only see myself doing a job which involves helping people.
I remember that day, you asked me what the other most important thing in life was and I replied 'love'. You didn't believe me back then because you hadn't been shown any sort of love your whole life, had you?
Did I change your mind, Ash?
I hope I did. I know I'm selfish to hope that but I do anyway because I wish you all the best for the future and I hope you find love one day. Thanks to you, I'm happy as I am with what you've given me over these few months we've spent together so don't beat yourself up too much, okay?
I think the one thing I will leave unsatisfied with is Jett. I think he needed me around a lot more than he let on so I believe I failed as a little brother even though you both will disagree.
Please take care of Jett in my place, the main thing he needs at the moment is a shoulder to lean on through his darkest times. He tries to act strong for us all but really, he's the weakest emotionally and I can see that through the walls he puts up.
He's been through a lot in his lifetime, just as you have, so if anyone understands him and could help him, it would be you. I'm trusting you to take care of him from now on because I won't be around to guide all of you.
The biggest regret I have is not being able to repay Jett and my mother for all they've done for me over the course of my life. My mother has worked so hard just to give us the best of everything but then tries to act as if everything is fine.
She lies about it but I know she works two jobs because she was trying to get all the money for my hospital bills. I never wanted that sort of weight on her shoulders so maybe my death can bring something good to my mother's life now that she doesn't have to work so hard to make all the ends meet.
She deserves all of the best because of all the effort she's put in. I can never recall a time when she has been a bad person and she has taught me everything I know. Without her I would be lost.
That's also why I refused proper treatment when I found out what she's been doing in secret. I didn't want to make her suffer on my behalf anymore so instead, I would sacrifice my own life for her's.
Please, I know it's a lot to ask but take care of both of them. Everything has been so tough on them and they deserve a huge amount of rest because of the stress I've put on them.
Finally, don't dwell on the past for too long. It's okay to mourn people as long as it doesn't put your own life on hold. Carry on studying and get into a good college so you can make the most out of all the opportunities offered to you. I know you can achieve a lot if you put your mind to it. If you keep in mind how proud of you I will be, I know you can do it.
Don't be too mean to people at school, especially Robin since he has a huge crush on you ;).
Now I'm going to end this letter because I don't want to write too much and turn it too sappy. Just know that I will always love you, no matter how far apart we are and that I trust and believe in you.
You're going to be okay, Ash.
Love always,
Elijah Barnes.
