Song is Breakeven by The Script <3
A couple more weeks went by and things seemed to be a little bit better than usual. I still got an occasional slap from my dad but other than that, it wasn't too bad because I spent a lot of time out of my parent's way so I wasn't in too much danger.
If I did have any marks, I would cover them up with concealer so Eli wouldn't notice. Somehow, he always found out though. Jett also had this ability to know about it as well which annoyed me slightly.
Anyway, I noticed that Eli frequently wasn't in school though. Each time I questioned about it, he shrugged it off and avoided the question completely. Either that or he would simply say that he was feeling a little under the weather or he had something to do at home that he couldn't talk about. It bugged me though as he usually told me everything and he was hiding something from me now.
I didn't act as though it bothered me though. If he avoided the question, I would shrug despite feeling very hurt by his distance. I secretly asked Robin about it as well but he also had the same experience as me with Eli's answer.
"Jett." I was sat in Jett's room, waiting for Eli to get back from wherever he was. "Where is Eli going? He's been out of school a lot lately. Do you know why this is?"
At these questions, Jett went slightly paler than usual but then tried to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. "I guess he'll tell you when he feels it's right. You're like, his best friend so I'm sure he'll talk to you about it soon."
"Is it like what happened with you and Caroline? You didn't want to talk about it?"
"I suppose so. It's a little more different than that though but he needs to tell you. I would but it's not really my place to say." He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair.
"I understand, I guess." I look down miserably, realising I would just have to wait until Eli feels like it would be okay to tell me whatever was going on. If Jett wasn't going to tell me either, it must be something serious.
For now, I forgot about it though since I didn't want to keep worrying about it. I could tell Jett didn't want to speak about it for much longer either as he seemed a little on edge and I didn't want to push him too far.
"Caroline messaged me." He announced suddenly, his voice a little shaky. "She found me on Facebook."
"Really? What happened?" I asked, noticing he seemed to want to open up about it to someone.
"She told me her dad is still angry at both of us. He banned her from talking to anyone from this town again so no one could find out about it." He explained. "Then she told me she had found someone knew who she'd been able to move on with after she realised we couldn't be together."
His hand were shaking, his knuckles turning white at how hard he was clenching his fists. At this moment, I really started to see how fragile he was underneath his cold exterior. It was like, if I reached out to touch him he would shatter like glass beneath my hand.
"I lied and told her I was over her now and I had found happiness elsewhere." He started crying. "It's not true. I can't move on when all I can think about when I close my eyes is her."
A million tiny daggers stabbed me in the heart as I listened to his pained voice telling me this. I felt useless since I wasn't sure what I could do to help him.
"Why am I the one that can't get over her? She's moved on but I can't. It's so unfair."
"Life isn't fair sometimes, Jett. But you have to do what you can to carry on going no matter what." I try to give support but I know it isn't that helpful.
"That sounds dumb coming from you. A few weeks ago you were on the edge of a bridge ready to jump off." He replied miserably. "I've seen the bruises on your arms and sometimes even your face too. You can't have done those to yourself, Ash."
I froze and looked down at the sleeve of my shirt, seeing a dark bruise showing from underneath it. The sleeve wasn't long enough to cover it up.
"This isn't about me," I answer, "you're the one in need here."
"Oh please. You can't seriously be telling me that you're fine now." He looked up and grabbed my arm delicately enough that it didn't hurt. "Look at all these marks on you."
"It's not that bad, really." I try to sound confident but it comes out quiet and timid. "Please let's just stop talking about me and face the problem at hand."
"The problem at hand is, I'm still depressed over my girlfriend from years ago and you're beaten and suicidal. I don't think there's much to be done about that, do you?" He laid back on his bed, resting his head on his pillow. "I wish I could just forget, is all."
"What do you mean?"
"Sometimes, I remember a stupid memory and when I do, I'm happy for just a second until I realise I can't have that memory anymore. She's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. It's the stupid reminders that make sure I can't forget about her no matter what I do." He explained.
"Why not try to move on?" I suggested suddenly. "Find someone new, just like she did."
He sat up quickly, looking at me surprisedly. Before I could do anything, he pushed himself off his bed and took my hands in his. I was about to say something but he stopped me by pressing his lips to mine. I couldn't believe what was happening and I don't think neither of us knew exactly what we were doing.
He pulled away quickly and sat down on his bed with his head in his palms. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"It's okay, you're just confused. You don't know what to do because you're just overcome with emotion at the moment." I try to smile but I can't because all I can think about is that kiss.
"No, it's not that." He said quickly. "You're so beautiful and every time I see you, that's all I want to do but when I think about that, Caroline then comes back into my mind, not letting me let go."
I didn't say anything, just watched as he shook his head in anguish.
"And then I remember that I can't be with you. Eli obviously adores you and anyone would pick him over me. He's perfect and I'm the failure and embarrassment that is avoided by everyone. But despite all this, I don't care. I will always love you even if the feelings aren't mutual and even if I still can't fully get over Caroline."
"Jett, I-"
"Don't say anything, Ash. I don't want to hear your answer since I already know what it is. I just can't bear to hear you actually say it to me." He covered his face again, making me unable to see his expression. If I could see it, I know that it would be a heartbreaking sight.
The truth was, I wasn't completely sure how I felt about him. Jett didn't seem sure either since he still wasn't over Caroline. He wasn't thinking straight.
"Give it time, Jett." I tell him. "You'll get over her eventually and until then, don't tell me you love me unless you're completely sure you really do."
With that, I hurried out of his room before he could reply and shut the door behind me. Eli had just gotten home but I left without saying anything and went back to my own house, leaving Eli very confused.
At this point though, I didn't care. I just wanted to keep away from there just a little while so I could work out how I felt about everything that had just happened.
I added another reason to the list as well when I'd calmed down in my room.
2: Fix Jett's broken heart.
