Coffee Shop Soundtrack (Marianas Trench)

Chapter Thirty

“M-mom...” Matt stuttered as the pair settled opposite him. “What are you doing here?”

The woman sighed, crossing her legs and removing her heavy overcoat. “Nice to see you too. Jen bought me down to see you.”

“You kicked me out of your house.” Matt stated dumbly.

“Yes, and I’m sorry for that.” She pursed her lips. “I want my son back.”

Matt forced out a laugh, and glanced over to look at Jen. His sister seemed to get the point, rising to her feet.

“Mom, I’m gonna order. What would you like?” She asked, getting her wallet out of her bag.

“Whatever.” She dismissed with a wave of her hand, and Jen hurried off to join the long queue. Mrs Webb turned back to face her son. She was exactly the same as Matt remembered her to be – heavily straightened fair hair, brightly rouged lips and tanned skin. But yet, there were still little differences that made her look not quite the same, like more lines etched into her face or the black clothes she still wore after all this time.

“I made a mistake, Matthew.”

“Yeah,” Matt said, mustering all the confidence he could. “Yeah, you did.”

“I shouldn’t have been so closed minded, you’re still my son and I shouldn’t have kicked you out for being brave enough to tell me who you are.”

Matt nodded, looking into his coffee mug, not trusting himself to speak.

“I’m not trying to justify what I did. I know I was wrong and I will forever be guilty for making such a mistake. I can only hope you and Taylor are doing okay.”

Matt felt a lump in his throat form, and he rubbed at the back of his neck. “Tyler. We broke up a few months ago.”

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry. Why, what happened?”

At this moment, Jen returned, carefully placing two mugs on the table. Matt shook his head, looking up and shrugging his shoulders helplessly, not seeing the point in lying or beating around the bush.

“He hurt me.”

“You mean, like...” his mother started.

“I mean he used to hit me, and kick me, the works. For two years. He locked me in the apartment until Mike and my current boyfriend came and got me out of there.”

“Matty...”

Matt just looked back down at his shoes, not saying anything. His hands were shaking and he was trying his best to stop them, to save himself the embarrassment. It was too late now; he’d said it all.

“I... I don’t know what to say.”

“You said enough when you told me to run to him. Remember that, mom?” Matt said, almost angrily.

“Matthew, I told you I was sorry-”

“Well, maybe sorry doesn’t cut it.” Matt said, spitting out his words. Hundreds of sour memories were rushing back to him a mile a minute, and the tears were threatening to spill over and he wouldn’t let that happen. “You kicked me out of your house when I needed you the most. You didn’t even let me come to my own fucking father’s funeral! Jeez, and you think I’m going to just... just forgive you like that?”

“Matt.” Jen made an attempt to cut in. “Matty, calm down.”

“No, I will not calm down!” He almost shouted, wincing at the volume that came out of his own mouth, not really caring that a majority of the store was staring at him. “You left me. You literally abandoned your own goddamn son, mom. I have had more than a lifetime’s worth of shit thrown my way. I have been kicked, I’ve been punched, burned, raped, starved... you name it! I am so sick of people walking over me. I do not have to do anything that I don’t want to do, and I don’t want to accept your apology, Jesus Christ!”

His mother and sister looked incredibly startled, and even Matt felt surprised at his behaviour.

“Matt, I’m sorry... you could have called, we would have helped...” Jen tried weakly.

“Ha!” He scoffed. “You’re one to talk.”

 “I-”

“You asked me to leave and never talk to you again. You said you didn’t want a ‘fag’ in the family, didn’t you? I’m not stupid.” He seethed.

“Matt, if you’d... if you’d just let us in...” His mother interrupted, panic clear in her voice. She knew she’d lost her son a long time ago. She knew it was her fault.

He stood up, lowering his tone. “You didn’t want me in your life, remember? What makes you think I want you in mine?”

“I’m your mother, Matthew, I made a mistake-”

“It’s too fucking late for that. I needed a mother to be there and you weren’t. I can’t do this.”

With that the fuming boy stormed out of the coffee shop, tears streaming down his face as he rushed home, almost sprinting the 20 minute walk.

As he arrived at Josh's, he carefully unlocked the door and quietly shut it behind him, hurrying down to the bedroom where he hoped Josh was still asleep. Unfortunately, Josh was awake and reading a book. He looked up, and his eyes widened when he saw Matt's tear-stained face.

“Hey, hey, babe, are you alright?” He asked, panic clear in his voice. Matt just shook his head, toeing off his shoes and getting straight into bed and facing away from Josh.

“Baby.” Josh tried again, dropping the book and reaching over to try and pry Matt so he’d face him. Matt refused crossing his arms around his chest. Josh instead trailed his hands across Matt's shoulders. “What happened?”

Matt choked out one more sob, before quickly turning and hugging Josh tightly, letting himself howl into his boyfriend’s chest. Josh carefully pulled the boy into his lap, rocking him back and forth a little and rubbing soothing circles into his back.

“Shh, baby, shh. It’s alright. I’ve got you. I love you.” Josh carried on whispering comforting things to Matt, which made the younger boy cry that much harder, because this was what he wanted. Josh was everything.

“She... She tried to apologise.” Matt sputtered, coughing and rubbing his eyes. “My mom. She told me sh-she was sorry.”

“Your mom was there? Jesus, you must feel awful. Holy shit, Matty, I’m so sorry.”

“No... no, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cry on you... how are you? I never asked you. I’m sorry.” Matt straddled Josh's lap instead, hugging him tightly.

“I care about you more. Don’t worry about me, and don’t apologise. How are you feeling?”

“I-I’m angry. I don’t want to be angry. I shouted at her. Fuck, that’s not a g-good thing.” Matt sighed, trailing his still shaking fingertips across Josh's neck and shoulders. “I want to be better. I don’t want to... I don’t want to prove her words right.”

“What did she say?”

“She told me when she k-kicked me out, that I would be nothing. I would be a failure or something and for the longest fucking time, I believed it. I spent a lot of my time thinking I’d have to stay with him for the rest of my life and get nowhere but I’m not doing that.” Matt shook his head, and Josh thumbed tears off of the other’s face. “I want to go somewhere. I want to change everything. I want to be with you. This... this is what I want. I want you in my life forever. You make me better.”

There was a minute silence. “I love you to the ends of the earth and I would do anything for you. I want to help you, make you as happy as you possibly can be and even more.” Josh said quietly but firmly.

“I love you so much, Josh.”

“I love you even more, Matty.” Josh said, pushing the younger’s hair out of his eyes. “Can... can I kiss you?”

Matt laughed, wiping away the last of his tears. “Yeah, yeah, you can. Please, I want that. I don’t care that you’re sick. I love you too damn much.”

Josh did as he promised, slowly kissing Matt and linking his fingers together behind Matt's back. This was what he wanted. It was what both of them wanted, and needed.