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"I JUST want to know how you're really feeling, Chrissy. Maybe I can help you." It was Chrissy's first day back from school, she'd been absent for two week, since he left. That's what she was saying now. That he'd left, not that he was dead. It made it easier, to pretend in her mind that he'd packed up and left.
She'd been taken straight to Mr Porter's office as soon as she arrived. He needed to make sure she was okay, to carry on with the academic year. She didn't really care about her education, she didn't feel like she cared about anything anymore.
"How I'm really feeling?" She asked quirking her eyebrow. "I'm fine." It was a lie. Of course it was a lie, how could she be fine? The person she loved slipped away from her in a millisecond. "Fine? Really?" Mr Porter asked, leaning forward. She shook her head, her brunette locks falling in her view.
"Yes, okay? I don't want to talk about it, Mr Porter." She was so frustrated, she was sick of the question. Are you okay? It clawed at her mind because she wasn't okay, she was far from it, but the only person she'd open up to like that was Jeff.
Mr Porter nodded, standing up to his door to lead her out. "If you do need to talk, Chrissy, I'm here." She nodded before walking out to Mrs Bradley's class, she didn't really want to go, but she had to.
"So I want to just remind you that drink driving is a dangerous thing, not only could you harm yourselves but you can put other people at risk." Mrs Bradley's words made Chrissy's blood boil, she hadn't even stepped into the class yet, she was stood in the doorway unnoticed and angry.
"If you're referring to Jeff, Mrs Bradley, I can tell you that he wasn't drunk." She spoke stepping into the class, Clay's eyes widened, along with others. Mrs Bradley turned to Chrissy with a small smile. "This must be really hard for you Chrissy, but it's important that other students are aware of what could happen-"
"But he wasn't drunk!" She shouted her eyes turning into a glare. "I was drunk, he was taking care of me, I was distracting him so maybe you should make students aware of not distracting the driver'" she snapped, going over to her seat next to Hannah and sitting down. "Chrissy, we're all here for you, this is a supportive class, you can talk to us."
Mrs Bradley held deep sympathy for the girl, she'd seen Jeff wait outside the classroom for her and turned away when they shared a kiss. She saw how Chrissy lit up in the halls when she saw him and now, she was a bruised and cut girl, on the inside and out, who's life had been drained away.
"All everybody wants me to do is talk, what do you expect me to say? 'My boyfriend died because I was distracting him with the radio but I'm okay?'" Her voice was sarcastic, Clay was worried, his sister had that look on her face, the look she gave him when he took her pizza, which was an angry look.
"No, Chrissy, we want to know what you're really feeling." Mrs Bradley said, her voice low. Chrissy shook her head, crossing her arms. "The only person I'd share my feelings with isn't here anymore."
••
She ditched the rest of school, deciding it wasn't worth it if she was going to be asked the same question over and over again. Before she ditched she noticed Hannah going into Mr Porter's office, her short bob waving at her chin. She didn't miss the guilty look Hannah gave her as they connected eyes, but she shrugged it off.
Chrissy went to Monet's, sat in a quiet corner and scrolled through her phone. Like a normal teenager would, but she didn't feel like a normal teenager, she felt like a broken doll, beyond repair. She stayed at Monet's for hours until Skye told her they were closing. She walked home, ignoring the continuous beeps coming from her phone, until she saw sirens.
She recognized the house as the Baker's. Hannah's mom and dad were stood in the yard in tears, Hannah's mom sobbing into her husbands shoulder, but there was no sign of Hannah. "What happened?" She asked somebody standing by that looked very trustworthy with information.
"Hannah Baker committed suicide."
•••
"How're you feeling?" Chrissy asked Clay, a week after the death of his crush. She could see him trying to put on a brave face. "Grief. Chrissy, that's what I'm feeling-you wouldn't get it." He immediately regretted saying it, snapping his head up to see his sister's cold hard stare.
"Trust me Clay, I know grief." She growled, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." He mumbled, feeling a tear roll down his face, his best friend and now the girl he loved? How was this fair?
"It's okay." Chrissy sighed pulling him into a twin hug. The hug that made them both feel much better.
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IM SO SORRY THAT this is such a crappy chapter, really sorry.
