Beautiful insanity (Dylan O'Brien) | ✓

31 | The truth be spoken

"I'm about to tell you the full truth Jessica," Dylan said. "But before I do that, I need to know that you will stay. I need to know that you won't be frightened away by my past. Because I can't pour my heart out to you just to have it broken again."

"I'm never leaving again." I promised. "I love you." Dylan looked down at our intertwined hands. He was about to tell me thebiggest story of his life, whilst we were seated in an insane asylum, surrounded by ahandful of lunatics and a couple of guards. 

"That awful day, the day of Holland's accident, I lost more than just the love of my life. I lost my child." I looked at Dylan in utter confusion. "You see, she was pregnant. It wasn't planned at all but we never doubted the fact that we would love and raise our child as a family. She was only a month a long the way when she died so when the autopsy report came they hadn't identified the foetus as a child. No one has ever known that she was expecting. We wanted to wait until we were sure the baby was healthy and after her death I decided that I needed to keep the existence of my child for myself."

"Dylan... that's awful." I breathed out. "I'm so sorry." I could see how much the memories hurt him. 

"The judge that was assigned to the case was as corrupt as one can be. A little money from the perpetrator's father and a good lawyer was enough to plead him not guilty. I was devastated. My family was murdered and the one that did it didn't have to suffer the consequences. A couple of weeks after the funeral I found myself in a bar. I went there often. Whenever the pain was just too much I started drinking. Cliche right?" He huffed. "And then one night, when I was sitting at the bar, a couple of guys walked in. They made a lot of noise, laughing and shouting. They drew attention to themselves. It was then that I saw her murderer in their midst, laughing and joking as if nothing had happened. He was out there having fun with his friends while she laid in the ground!" I squeezed his hands, trying to calm him down. 

"Dylan, if you need to stop, you can." I assured him. I didn't want him to do something he was not ready for but he just shook his head. 

"It made me just so angry Jess, seeing that bastard there. So when he left the bar, I followed him. I followed him all the way to his house. What I saw there sent me over the edge. Through the window I could see how he kissed his wife and brought his baby girl to bed. He had everything that I had lost. A man with a wife and a child and still he had the guts to bribe his way out of jail. It made me sick. So I did the only thing that seemed rational to me at the time. Blinded with anger and pain I bought a gun and the next day I went back to his house." I gasped and in reflex pulled my hands away from his. 

"Dylan you didn't--" 

"No. I didn't. I bought the gun to scare him off, it was never even loaded. When his wife and daughter were asleep I snuck into the house. I pointed the gun at him, told him to be quiet and to go outside. I told him who I was and what he had taken from me and guess what? He didn't care. He didn't even say he was sorry. I was infuriated. I couldn't understand how he could stand there without the tiniest bit of remorse. I lost it then and there for the first time. I was never a violent guy but that night I beat the shit out of him. I kept punching and kicking him until it became hard for him to breath. And when I looked down at him, bleeding and moaning at my feet, I felt strong for the very first time. I felt powerful. It was an amazing feeling. I threatened to go after his wife and kid next if he wouldn't turn himself in. He was scared enough to agree with me." 

"But the 911 call?" 

"His wife called, of course, when she saw her husband lying outside. I was never prosecuted for it because that man was afraid I would hurt his family the same way he had hurt mine. I never would've touched that woman or child but my threats had done exactly what I had wanted them to. The next day he was in jail. I couldn't go home that night when I had beaten him up. Not with blood staining my shirt and my knuckles ripped open. So I went to my best friend, Tyler. I told him everything that had happened that night, hoping to get some support from him but instead of being a true friend and helping me, he got angry. He kicked me out. He told me not to come back until I had done what was right. Turning myself in, he meant. In my eyes I had already done the right thing. I had taken revenge on the murderer of my child and its mother. I couldn't go home so I roamed the streets for five days. I slept in filthy motels and spent most of my nights in the bar. I might have gotten my revenge but I still felt awful. The wounds never healed. When I finally came home my bags were already outside the door. My father had heard about the 911 call and immediately assumed it was me. He was not wrong of course but he didn't give me a chance to explain. He called me a psychopath and a monster and told me to never come home again. I was mad. Can you blame me? I lost everything and because I took revenge I was the bad guy. I never killed, he did. The days that followed were filled with numerous fights and lots of alcohol. I felt good when I was fighting because I always won. I grew stronger and that power I had over those stupid pricks that treated their wives like shit was addictive. I finally gave them what they deserved. I promised myself never to fall in love again because the pain of it all would just be so fucking hard. And then I met you..."

"And you started hurting all over again." Dylan nodded his head. 

"But I was okay with that. I was okay with feeling pain because you were something else. You were hope. You made me a better man. You were the only one that believed in me. They, my friend and family, they never cared. They kicked me out when I needed them the most. They--" 

"They made you like this." I completed. He nodded his head. I took his hand back in mine. What he had told me, his story, it was so heartbreaking. No wonder he had turned dark. Everything he ever loved was either taken from him or had turned its back to him. Tyler should've been there when Dylan needed him. His family should've supported him but they didn't. 

"That part of me, the monster I am today, it was always inside of me. They just didn't stop it from coming out when they had the chance to. For over a year I was all alone. The first time I saw my mother again was that night at the bus stop. The night I met you. I was drunk that night, you know, and I had taken a whole lot of painkillers. Someone saw me standing there that night and had called my mother. I don't remember seeing her, all I remember is you, sitting there in the pouring rain, waiting hours together with me. It was such a random act of kindness. I realised that day that you were something special. From the first moment that I laid eyes on you I knew that I needed to get better. That I needed to find help." 

"Is that why you went to Alex?" Dylan shook his head. 

"I was obsessed with you Jessica. I dreamt about you, even when I was awake. But my thoughts were so perverse, so disgusting, I knew that if I would ever see you again I would do the most terrible things. So I went to the clinic, I was ready to sign myself up to go to this godawful place. I knew I belonged in an asylum. And right when I was about to do that, you walked in and it was the most curious thing. I feared you might be insane as well. So I followed you and that's when I learned you and the psychiatrist were friends. I decided to take the best of both worlds. By becoming Alex's patient I would get my treatment and I would get closer to you." 

"And the rest is history." Now I knew everything. I knew what had happened with him before we had met, I knew what had brought him to coming after me. In all those years no one ever showed any kind of affection towards him and then I, a complete stranger, came by and showed my kindness. "What I still don't understand," I said. "Is why you are here right now. How could all of this happen? Why did Tyler lie?" 

"I have the feeling..." Dylan trailed off. "That someone wanted me out of the picture, real bad." 

[There you have it. His story. What do you guys think of it?]