Tainted by You | ✔️

chapter 22

MITCH'S POV

I finally let myself break once Scott leaves to use the bathroom. I put my head in my hands and let myself cry. I feel so terrible. There is still something I'm keeping from Scott. But I could never tell him. 

He would never forgive me.

I have no plans to tell him.

Unless Mike tells him first.

I set myself up for this. I should've told him when I'd first found out that Connie was his mother. If this gets out, he'll never take me back. I can't tell anyone what I know. It'll stay my secret. I get zoned out as tears keep falling, and I jump when I hear something fall over upstairs. Then I hear a yell as something else clatters to the ground. 

"You killed my mother!" I hear Scott roar. 

Fuck. 

Should I stay down here and do nothing? What am I planning to do if I go upstairs? What could I do to get Scott to quit? There's also the possibility Mike was the one beating Scott up, but I doubt it. 

If Mike beat Scott up, nothing would stop me from going right up to Mike and hurting him. I'm not sure how I would do it, though. I've only successfully shot a gun a couple times.

God, Mitch don't think about that right now. 

What I'd said to Scott is true. Before he came here I had no reason to live. None at all. I literally just existed, not making an impact on the world, at least not in a positive way. Every single day I'd felt worthless, I'd felt I wasn't capable of being loved. I always knew that if I died, no one would miss me. No one would care. I'm a nobody. I'm dead weight to everyone. 

With the exception of Scott. 

I used to dream about death, wanting to feel the immense relief of having let everything go. All the things I've dealt with over my lifetime still feel connected to me, and with every new problem I face another boulder is added onto me, threatening to sink me completely. I used to write down how I could end it, what I would do to cut myself off from life all together. I hid that journal away once I'd met Scott. 

I don't dream about death anymore.

If I tell Scott the truth, I would lose him. Completely. There would be no chance of anything going back to normal. I still remember the way his lips felt on mine, passionate and strong. I remember the night he told me what he admires about me. No one had ever made me feel that confident. No one had ever made me feel valuable. He makes me the happiest I've been since that weekend almost six years ago, when my mother spent the weekend with me. I remember thinking that she was coming back to me, that she'd started loving me again. 

I was wrong. 

I remember all the times I'd gone crying to Scott, whether it be about my mother, Mike, or myself. He'd always hold me, firm and calm, giving me shelter as I cried and cried. In his arms I'm able to forget everything that's wrong. In his arms I am a new person, one who doesn't think about how to hurt themselves.

One who doesn't cry themselves to sleep every night.

One who doesn't think about where they'd gone wrong. 

One who doesn't care what others think. 

In his arms I am everything I'm not. 

I can not lose Scott. 

Thanks for reading! Poor Mitch. I thought it'd be good for you to be able to see how Mitch had been feeling throughout their relationship, because you'd only been able to see how Scott felt. Stay f'cute!

~Cassie :)