Tainted by You | ✔️

chapter 27

3 WEEKS LATER

MITCH'S POV

I rest my hands on the cool granite, gripping onto the edge of the sink. I stare into the mirror, studying my ill and sunken image. The tears stopped falling long ago, and I barely care anymore. Nothing seems to have purpose, nothing seems like a solid reason to stay. 

I know, I know. I'm overreacting over a boy I knew for only a little over a month. He meant a lot to me, but trust me, I'm not like this just because of him. Being with him made me forget all of my problems. Now that he's gone, I'm set to face my demons head on. 

You're not enough, no one needs you, nothing matters anymore, no one would really care if you were gone. 

There are two things that are keeping me from completely dropping myself: Hope and fear.

Sometimes I see a sliver of hope for the future. Maybe one day I'll have a husband, kids, a good job, a home. But those thoughts are scratched when I realize no one will want me, not with my past and my mentality. No one wants to be associated with a former gang member. No one wants to deal with my fucked up mind.

Then there's fear. I'm too scared to actually end my life. I can think about it, but I could never go through with it. 

How would I do it? What will it feel like? Who will be the one to find me dead? How do I push these thoughts away?

Scott left almost a month ago. God knows where he went. He couldn't have gone far. He doesn't have anyone to go to. He told me himself. I keep telling myself he'll come back. 

But I don't think I want to see him again. I need to make myself forget him. It's impossible, but I'll try. He is probably trying to forget me, and I get that. I killed the person he loved the most.

Another thing. All I feel is guilt. Why do I deserve to live if I was the one to end the life of an amazing mother? Why does anyone deserve to live if they've ended someone else's? 

I can't let these thoughts get to me. I can't. I remove my hands from the sink and grab the bottle of pills from the vanity and throw them into the trash bin, forcing myself to walk out of the bathroom and not look back.

...

SCOTT'S POV

I have no where to go. I realized that once I left Mitch's place, about three weeks ago. I walked out after midnight, gathering the little things I had and heading out. Adrenaline and anger aren't a good mix. For a little while I'd forgotten I had no where to go. 

Now I'm sitting on the pavement behind a building not so far from where I'd started. I do have money, so I've been able to buy food and whatever else I'd needed, but it wasn't much. My blond hair is far gone, dust and whatever else has taken over. That's probably the thing I hate most at the moment; not being able to style my hair how I like. 

I can't get my mind off of Mitch. How was I able to turn so fast on someone I had loved? 

Is it possible I had taken it too far?

No, no. He killed my mother. 

I can't even think straight anymore. But I do know that I need to talk to him. We will never be together again, never be even friends again, but I need to talk to him. I'm afraid he will do something stupid over me, if not already. I saw the sadness that'd been building up in his eyes over the time I'd known him. I know he's not okay. 

I don't think I could take it if he ended his life over me. 

Thanks for reading! I'm sorry that I haven't been uploading as many chapters as I should, I've been busy. By the way, a lot of the next chapters will be unrealistic. I'm trying to get you to understand Mitch's thoughts, but I've never had those thoughts myself so I wasn't quite sure how to explain them. Anyways, like, comment, and stay f'cute!

~Cassie :)