Worth Waiting For

Part 9

Phil's POV

I feel like a spear has been thrust into my chest, pinning me where I sit.

As my mind begins to process what Dan just said, I start to lose control over myself. I feel like a glass bottle which has been thrown against a brick wall, shattering into a million pieces.

I start to shake as a tidal wave of tears begins to burst out of me, and I can do nothing to stop it. Everything I have has just been obliterated into nothingness while I watched, helpless.

"No no Phil, I didn't..." I hear Dan start to panic and move towards me, realising what he has just done.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I scream as Dan reaches for me. My mind has retreated into the corner of my head in a blubbering mess, leaving me no longer in control of my body.

I jump backwards off the sofa and crash onto the floor. I feel as though I've been hit by a car. I scramble to my feet and flee from the room, sprinting through a haze of tears towards my bedroom. I need to get away. The door bangs open and I run to my bedside table, open the top draw and grab my phone and emergency credit card. I snatch up my jacket from where it is strewn across my bed and go back into the hallway.

Dan is just coming out of the lounge to find me. Tears are streaming down his face and he looks like a wreck. Exactly how I feel.

This boy ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. Eight years of friendship ruined by just a few words, uttered at precisely the wrong time.

He tries to say my name as I tear down the hall and push past him. I can't stay here anymore.

I crash down the stairs and fling open the apartment door. I exit the building and run out into the night, leaving the boy who stole my heart sobbing on the stairs.

***

I've been walking for an hour, not even paying attention to where I'm going. My vision is clouded by tears and I am stumbling around like a drunk. It's freezing out here, but I feel so dead inside that I don't even notice the cold.

As my knees begin to give way, I crawl over to a bench and collapse onto it. I pull out my phone and see that I have thirty-eight missed calls from Dan and countless concerned texts. I ignore them, and stare blankly at my lock screen.

It's a photo of me and Dan in the VidCon photo booth from 2014. I'm pulling a stupid face and Dan is wearing bunny ears, laughing so hard he looks like he's about to cry. We were so happy back then, but now I've ruined it all. Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? We could have been so happy if I hadn't gone and destroyed everything.

I throw my phone onto the ground, hearing the screen crack as it bounces on the concrete. My body shakes as I put my head in my hands and cry my heart out. Why did this have to happen?

Why is love so cruel?

As my sobs begin to turn into ragged breaths, I remember that I have nowhere to sleep tonight. I don't want to move from this bench, but London isn't very safe at night so I would probably get beaten up or something.

But where could I go at this time of night? I don't really want to go and stay with someone who knows Dan, he's probably ringing all our friends right now to ask if they've seen me, and if I go to one of then he'll come and find me. I don't think I can face seeing him again right now.

What about Thomas, my friend from Uni? He lives in London and I don't think he knows Dan. We were quite good friends back then and he said if I ever needed somewhere to crash then I was welcome at his place. But most of all I don't want Dan to find me. Seeing him again would definitely push me over the edge.

I pick up my phone from where it landed on the floor and brush off the dirt. There is a huge crack diagonally across the whole screen, but I don't really care right now. I find Thomas's number in my contacts and press call. It rings a few times and then a surprised voice answers.

"Hi Phil, how's it going?"

"Hi Thomas" I struggle to raise my voice above a whisper. "I've got a bit of a problem, and I don't really have anywhere to stay tonight" I hesitate, hoping he will understand the desperation in my voice.

"Oh sure... you can stay at mine if you want?"

I sigh with relief.

"Thank you so much, can you send me your address?"

"Yeah, sure. See you soon" he hangs up.

A couple of seconds later I get a text with his address, which is only a twenty-minute walk from here. I go to put my phone away, when it rings again – It's Dan. I click decline.

I hope he and his girlfriend will be happy together. I'm not going back.