Worth Waiting For

Part 16

Dan's POV

Phil still hasn't called. Or texted. I haven't heard anything from him since he texted PJ saying he was safe. I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. He could have fallen down a ravine in Australia for all I know.

I hate this – the not knowing. I'm used to having Phil around constantly, eating my cereal, hogging the TV whenever I want to watch something. Now the apartment feels empty, silent. Like all of the life that was once here left with Phil. I haven't been on YouTube, posted much on Twitter or read any work emails since Phil left. I've alternated between crying on my bed and checking my phone for messages from him. Everything feels hollow. I guess you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Victoria keeps trying to reassure me, but I feel like I'm putting on an act when I'm around her. Like I'm trying to protect her from how broken I am. She doesn't deserve someone like me who can't cope; she deserves better.

I do love her. She's so kind, thoughtful, and funny. She understands me perfectly and I enjoy being with her.

But I feel like I can't show her the extent of my despair. I could always tell Phil what I was feeling; our minds were on the same wavelength. We could both tell what the other was thinking just by making eye contact. With Victoria, it's... different. I love being around her, but she's not always there, not always in the next room. Like Phil was.

But I've ruined it. I ruined whatever it was that we had. Through my own selfishness, I destroyed both our lives. That's why it's up to me to fix it. I need to find Phil, apologise and see if there is anything left of our shredded friendship.

I pick up my phone, selecting a contact and ringing the number. PJ is the only one who's heard from Phil, Phil obviously trusts him. Perhaps even more than he trusts me, which hurts. But maybe PJ has heard from Phil again. I'm about to find out.

"Hi" I hear a hint of irritation in PJ's voice. I dismiss it.

"Hey Peej, I was wondering if you'd heard anything more from Phil? It's been a while and I'm really worried about him."

"Um, well-" he is interrupted by a voice in the background. A voice I know so well, one that I have missed every day.

"PHIL" I shout, standing up and knocking my chair over "PHIL??? ARE YOU OK?"

I hear shouting from the other end of the line, it sounds like Phil is yelling and crying at PJ, who is trying to calm him. I continue to shout Phil's name in desperation, apologies tumbling out of my mouth in between. Eventually, I hear what sounds like footsteps on the stairs, and PJ returns to the phone.

"Dan shut up for a moment" PJ's exasperated voice reaches me when the thuds in the background cease. "Leave Phil alone. He doesn't want to see you right now; you'll only upset him more." Anger creeps into PJ's voice "And if you try to come here and see him, I will kick your ass all the way back to London." He hangs up, no doubt going to deal with Phil.

My hands are shaking as I place my phone on the table. Phil is at PJ's; he's only about an hour away. I know where he is, and I can find him. He might leave now he knows I know, so I need to act fast.

I don't care what PJ says. I need Phil. I need to apologise, to make it up to him in whatever way I can. I need to see him.

I grab a bag, shoving things into it. There's a train soon, I can be there before lunch.

My phone pings as I head for the door; it's probably PJ threatening me again. I ignore it. I leave the apartment.

I'm going to find Phil.