Worth Waiting For

Part 14

Dan's POV

I'm meeting Victoria in the park.

She's been so supportive over the last few days. She's let me cry on her shoulder, answered my panicked 3am phone calls when I realise Phil's gone. She's given me space, but never been too far away in case I need her. She's done so much – I don't deserve her.

But she can't quite fill the gap that my best friend left behind. She's someone to talk to about my feelings, yes. But she's not someone I can play Mario with until the early hours of the morning. I can't just text her even if she's in the room next door, like I did with Phil. She won't be on the other side of the wall when I need someone to talk to in the middle of the night.

But then neither is Phil.

I sometimes wake up in the night, thinking he'll be next door. Then I remember everything that's happened, and it feels as though I'm breaking apart all over again.

There have been a few nights now where I've woken up, had a few blissful moments of peace before I realise he's gone. So I go to his room, as it still smells of him. I take on of his shirts, hug it to my chest and curl up in his bed, letting his scent form a protective layer around me. And I lie there sobbing until the shafts of sunlight peeking through the curtains force me out of my sanctuary.

A best friend is like a soulmate. Someone with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings, your innermost fantasies. Someone who will not judge you; who will always support you no matter what. Someone who will always be there for you.

But I wasn't there for Phil. When he needed me most, I was too wrapped up in my own life to pick up the clues he left me. When he needed me most, I ignored him and then threw our friendship back in his face. And so I lost him.

I don't know what to do without Phil. I don't know how to laugh, how to smile – I don't know how to feel.

But I will do whatever I can to find him. I need to apologise, to tell him how much I hate myself for what I did to him. I need to know he's safe. I don't want him to forgive me. What I did was unforgivable. I just want him to be happy again.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by a girl sitting down on the bench next to me. I lift my eyes to hers, and what she sees in them makes her pull me into a warm hug. We stay like that for a moment, neither of us wanting to break away. It is Victoria who does so first, moving with a small sigh. We gaze at each other, listening to the distant rumble of traffic and the nearby calls of birds.

"Dan..." Victoria laces her hand with mine, intertwining our fingers. "It's been a few days now. I think if Phil-" I cringe at the name as the memories resurface "-wanted to be found, he'd have called by now" I look away as tears begin to form. Victoria sees my action and places her other hand on my arm reassuringly. "Don't get upset, I just think that maybe he needs some space, he must have a lot going through his mind right now. Maybe we should just leave him be, let him think."

I pull my hand from hers and get up, my legs carrying me swiftly away from the bench. Tears blur my vision so people and trees blur into one. I can't live without him. A part of me left with him.

Victoria grabs my arm as she catches up with me. I turn to face her.

"I can't" I spit out "he's my best friend. I can't leave him when he's hurting like this. When I'm the reason why he's hurting." I begin to shake.

"Dan, he probably just needs some time. He's been through a lot; he just needs to process it all."

"But I need to know he's safe" I shout. People walking past are starting to look now.

"He just-" the sound of my phone ringing cuts her off. I scramble to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Dan" PJ's soft voice answers. I immediately launch into questioning him.

"Have you heard from Phil? Is he ok? Is he-" the words tumble from my mouth.

"Relax Dan, he's fine" relief floods through me "I had a text from him saying he was somewhere safe, he's staying with someone."

I rack my brain to think of who it could be. "Did he say where? Is it someone we know?"

"Dan calm down. He's safe and I don't think he wants us to be around at the moment. It might be better if we just leave him alone." I swallow down my disapproval "Anyway, I'm busy right now so I'm gonna have to go. See ya"

"Bye" I respond, my voice sounding strained. Fresh tears form in my eyes as I end the call and lower my phone. I say to Victoria- "he's ok, he's staying with someone. I don't know who but-"

"Oh Danny" she gives me a small smile "I told you he's be fine"

She leans forward, closing the distance between us and gently pressing her lips to mine. She wraps her arms around me as I pull her closer.

On the other side of the lake, a raven-haired boy sees the couple and stops. Grief written all over his face, he turns to flee.