Worth Waiting For

Part 10

Dan's POV

I've ruined everything.

For the past year, everything that Phil has been going through, all the tears, all the anguish – has been because of me. Because he was afraid to tell me. Because he was afraid of what might happen. And now the thing he was afraid of has actually happened. Because while Phil was crying in his room, hurting every minute of every waking hour – where was I? Meeting a girl. Slowly falling in love with her. While my best friend lost his mind over me. How could I?

How could I have not realised that my best friend was in love with someone, someone he thought he could never have – me. How could I have been so blind that I didn't even notice what was going on right under my nose? All those nights I held him as he cried, it didn't even cross my mind that it could have been because of me. That I was making it worse. It didn't even cross my mind.

And now he's gone. That kind, loving, beautiful boy is gone, and it's all my fault.

When he left and the front door slammed, I sank down on the stairs and cried. Cried because I caused this, because the best thing I had ever had had been ruined by my bad timing. Becoming friends with Phil was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I've managed to ruin even that. With just a few words.

I tried calling him but he didn't answer. And why would I expect him to? I just broke his heart in the worst way possible. He trusted me with his deepest secret, and I tore it up and threw it back in his face. So I collapsed on the stairs and cried until I fell asleep.

Waking up the next morning, my body aches all over from sleeping on the hard floor. I deserve it. I muster up the courage to drag myself up off the carpet, but can't bring myself to get anything to eat. I feel sick. I shuffle to my room and collapse onto my bed.

After crying some more, I pull myself together just enough to start thinking practically. Where could Phil have gone? He wouldn't stay out on the street at night, and he certainly won't want to come back here any time soon. I start to ring friends and ask if they've heard anything from him.

"Hello?" Louise's voice cuts through my sorrow.

"Hi Louise. I was wondering if you'd heard anything from Phil since last night?"

"Um... I haven't, is everything all right?"

"Well..." my voice starts to crack "something happened last night and Phil left the apartment but I don't know where he went"

"Wait, Dan what happened??"

"I don't really..." I feel tears starting to form "I don't really want to talk about it right now, but can you keep an eye out for me? I'm just really worried about him"

"Of course Dan. I'll see if I can get hold of him. I'll let you know if I hear anything"

"Ok thanks"

There is a brief silence.

"Dan... you know you can tell me anything? That's what I here for"

My heart shudders. That's what I said to him, before I ruined it all.

"Thanks" I know I won't be able to speak for much longer without bursting into tears, so I hang up.

I call some of our other friends who live around London, but no one has heard anything from Phil. I try calling his phone again, but it just goes straight to voicemail. I don't want to call Phil's family in case they get worried, so there's only one person left. I need to talk to someone about what has happened, just to have someone to listen. I find the number on my phone and press call. A cheery female voice answers.

"Hey Dan, how's it going? I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight, I know this really nice Italian place down the road from me"

"Hi Victoria" even I can hear the despair in my voice.

"Woah Danny what's wrong? Is everything Ok?"

"No. everything is not Ok" I take a deep breath "something bad has happened, and I really need someone to talk to..."

"Oh, well I can be at yours in 20 minutes if that's where you want to meet?"

"Yes. Please hurry"

I hang up. My girlfriend is coming over.