Worth Waiting For

Part 19

Dan's POV

I didn't find Phil. I wandered along the seafront all day, but he wasn't there. And I didn't want to go near PJ's for fear of being viciously attacked by him. But I thought maybe the universe would want us to be together, I thought maybe some supernatural force would bring us to the same place. I guess that idea was a stupid as it sounds.

As the sun begins to set, I pause in my searching. I watch as fiery tendrils of sunlight lick at the clouds, the mass of orange slowly lowering itself below the endless stretch of water. Shadows grow around me, lengthening in the dusk. As the sun withdraws, the sky is set ablaze above me. Reds, pinks, like a canvas which has had colour pooled onto it. It is breath-taking. More than anything, I wish Phil was here to experience this with me. I want him to see this, to see the beauty stretched out in front of me. I want to be with him.

When the sun dips below the horizon, the sky beginning to turn darker, I at last decide to go home.

As the train hurtles through the countryside, I lay my head against the window and drift into sleep. I dream of Phil, his smooth black hair beneath my fingers, a hint of a smile on his soft pink lips.

***

When I reach the apartment, I give a heavy sigh. It's hard knowing that every time I come home, Phil won't be waiting for me. And that hurts in more ways than I have words to express it.

I slowly make my way upstairs. Everything is so still. Usually, there would be some hint of noise; the murmur of the TV in the background, music winding through the air, videos being made. But now there's just me, and it feels so empty.

As I pass the landline, I notice that there are a few messages. No one uses landlines anymore, except my mum. I press play.

"Hi Dan, I was wondering if you were ok? We were supposed to be meeting up today, but you didn't show. Let me know what's happening."

Crap. I forgot I was supposed to be meeting Victoria today. And I've had my phone off to avoid being harassed by PJ so she's probably been texting and calling me. The text I ignored as I left this morning must have been from her.

The next message begins to play, and my guilt only gets worse.

"Hey Dan, I've tried calling you but it just goes straight to voicemail. Is everything ok?"

It doesn't get better.

"Danny, is everything alright? I haven't heard from you all day and I'm starting to get a bit worried. Call me as soon as you get this."

I feel terrible. My problems are starting to affect her. I'm supposed to be her boyfriend and I dropped everything to look for my friend, completely forgetting about her. How bad is that? I don't really feel like talking to her right now, but I don't want her worrying that I'm dead in a ditch somewhere. She deserves that at least. So I call her.

"Danohmygoshareyouok?" the words gush out of her mouth and I can hear the panic in them.

"Um, yeah... I'm fine. I – yeah" My brain doesn't seem to be able to form sentences anymore.

"Thank goodness, I was really worried" she sounds like she's on the verge of tears "what happened to you today? You weren't answering your phone" This is the question I've been dreading.

"I - had something... I needed to do" it's the worst excuse ever; I don't think it's even an excuse. She seems taken aback.

"Oh, well as long as you're ok" there is an edge of confusion in her voice "I'll see you soon then, love you."

"Yeah..." I pause "bye." Then I hang up.

I feel like the worst person in the world, I'm slowly poisoning her; my despair is seeping out of me and affecting her life. I don't want to hurt her, but it feels like that's the only thing I can do.

This is stupid. I love her. I love the way she smiles, her jet-black hair, the way he sticks his tongue out when he's properly laughing, the way he always winds me up when I'm feeling down, the way his lips-

No. Wait.

That's Phil.

Why am I thinking about Phil? Why did the image of Victoria in my head just blur into one of Phil? Yes, I love those things about him, but he's just a friend. Nothing more. I don't feel that way about him. He's a friend.

Just a friend.