Oblivion

chapter 1- zayn

I sat up quickly in bed when I heard my alarm go off loudly . I stretched my arms above my head . I looked down at my wrists as I got up . I never thought of myself as the cutting type .. but I never thought I would be getting treated like how I do now either . I started cutting when I was in 8th grade . I guess it sort of became a habit after that . of course no one noticed so I didn't really have to hide them only at school or sometimes at home .

I walked to my closet and got a long sleeve shirt with some black skinny jeans . I went to the bathroom and stripped myself out of my clothes . this happened every morning . I would wake up take my clothes off and just stand in front of the mirror for what felt like hours just looking at myself . I stood there looking at myself .. looking at how disgusting I was and how fat and ugly and gay I was . yeah I was gay but I don't think it has anything to do with my dad .. I guess ive always known he just makes me feel like .. a disgusting gay person . if that makes sense . I shook my head trying to stop the tears that I didn't even know had fallen . I washed my face and brushed my teeth before changing my clothes and heading down stairs .

like usual my dad and sister where eating breakfast while my mom was on the phone about to leave . I didn't even bother saying goodbye to her as I made my way down the stairs and put my shoes and jacket on . "good morning sweetheart I have to run but your dad will be home all day today so ill see you later tonight" I tensed when she said he would be home all day . she went to hug me but I just patted her on the back and gave her a forced smile . extremely forced . I don't even know if it was a smile I don't even know what that feels like anymore . I grabbed my bag and jacket before leaving the house away from them .

but where I was going wouldn't be much better . I always walked to school , riding the bus would just be bad . really bad . i walked with my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jacket and kept my head down . as i was walking i thought about how horrible my life is . yeah i know people have it worse but .. i just hate it . ive thought about suicide but .. im to much of a coward to bring myself to do it .

as i got closer to the school i started getting more and more nervous . i could feel my anxiety levels sky rocketing . i walked up the steps to the front door with my head down . hopefully chris and his group wouldn't see me and would leave me alone today . but to my luck they didn't and i was tripped by someone sticking their foot out in front of me .

"hey look its the fag" one of his friends said making them all laugh . i shut my eyes and tried getting up only to have one of them push me down again . i still had my eyes shut . "get up faggot" one of them ordered . i stood up slowly but kept my head down . i wouldn't dare make eye contact with one of them . it would only make things worse . and then the hurtful words started . i tried blocking them out but it didn't work . word after word just making me closer to breaking . i kept my head down the whole time . maybe if i walk away they'll stop .

i turned around and tried walking away but they pushed me and soon enough i was cornered and they all started throwing punches . this happened all the time . they would draw a crowd then people would just laugh or record it like usual and not do anything about it . i would just think of something else to make the pain numb out a little bit . i covered my face and scrunched up in a ball to try to atleast stop it from hurting so much .

as soon as the bell rang they all left but i was left laying ther bloody and bruised . i layed there for what felt like hours before someone made their way out of a class . i didn't even bother getting up . i just simply closed my eyes and hoped it would all be a dream and id wake up in my old childhood bedroom when i was 7 before all this happened . i heard the footsteps get louder and more frantic . but i just layed there bloody nose and panting trying to regain my breath .

"oh my god" someone whispered beside me . i opened my eyes a little and blinked try to make them adjust to the light . i could see someone crouched down beside me but i wouldn't see their face . i whimpered as the pain started making its way in my body . i had manadged to not think anout it but now it was just to much .