Oblivion

Chapter 32-textbooks

I feel completely numb. I feel nothing... I like this actually. I like not being able to feel anything.

I don't feel the beatings anymore...

Or when he creeps into my bedroom at night..

Not even when Chris hits me at school..

I just feel absolutely nothing

And I'm not saying it's bad, because it isn't. Most of the time I look like shit but it doesn't bother me. It's like I'm immune to everything. Why couldn't I feel like this before? All I ever wanted to do was just stop feeling.

Just stop feeling the constant pain.. Well I guess I got what I wished for. No complaints coming from me though.

I'm not even sure how long it's been since I last talked.

Actually I'm not sure when the last time I did anything was..

Kind of sad

The boys have been taking but.. I just can't listen. Not when he's at another table, arm wrapped around a beautiful blue eyed blonde girl.

I realize that I'm just in high school and that this will probably blow over soon but right now it feels like the end of the world. I feel so confused and lost and just lonely. I can't think straight. I haven't slept in days and I'm pretty sure I have a bruise on my cheek and a busted lip. I don't quite remember how that happened but I know it did.

"Liam c'mon mate you have to eat or something" Harry shook my shoulder slightly but I just shrugged his hand off.

It's been like that now. I just feel weird when people are touching me. Like how I felt before. Before I met the lads ... And zayn. Everything is sort of just different now.

I cant let anyone touch me. I don't even speak. I don't pay attention and my grades have dropped. Not that I care, none of that matters to me because really, What's the point?

Seems like everywhere I turn everyone is smiling and joking and I'm sitting here.

Surrounded by people but feeling completely alone.

*

The bell had just run signaling lunch was over and I was now in class. I'm not sure which one. I'm not really listening.

"Alright Jane please pass out the textbooks" says the teacher. I don't pay attention I just keep looking out of the window with my chin in the palm of my hand. Like I said none of this matters to me anymore.

I'm zoned out but I hear someone knock. And then the door opens. And then I hear the teacher talking to someone.. And telling them to sit next to me. I don't even look to see who it is, to zoned out to even notice that it's none other than Chris.

"Oh hey there little fag" he taps his pen repeatedly on the desk making my right eye twitch a little. I don't even give him a glance.

"So I saw Malik with that Perrie girl" he chuckles still tapping his damn pen. "She's pretty cute right" he nudges his shoulder with mine causing me to cringe and scoot further away.

"C'mon Payne you didn't actual think he liked you right?" He laughs and I can see him from the corner of my eye. He's turned to me now and a textbook is placed in front of me. I pull it towards me and hug it to my chest.

"Aww you did? Didn't you" he laughs punching my arm.

I grit my teeth trying my hardest not to cry. Why? Why does he always have to do this. It didn't make me sad it was just irritating. I already knew all these things I don't need to hear them again.