Oblivion

chapter 4-hospital

When I wake this time . its not because of my annoying alarm clock ringing in my ear . I woke up because there was someone in the room making a lot of noise . I didn't open my eyes though but I could hear bags shuffling and someone tapping away on their phone . it was probably my "family" . I remember them telling me I'll be leaving soon and im hoping that's today . although I enjoyed not being home I didn't exactly want to stay in the hospital . I opened my eyes blinking them to adjust to the light . to my surprise I see my sister sitting in the chair beside my bed texting . of course . she was wearing sweats and a hoodie with her blonde hair tied in a pony tail . mom must've let her stay home today . it was Thursday but she porbably only stayed so she wouldn't have to go to school .

"hey your awake how are you feeling little bro?" she asked . I was honestly surprised . she never seemed to care before . I just shrugged because at this point I didn't feel anything . she gave me a sympathetic smile before going back to her phone .

"why aren't you at school?" I crocked . oh god I sounded horrible now that I think about it my throat was really dry . she reached over and handed me a cup of water .

"cant I hang out with my brother I mean you are in the hospital I was worried about you" she finished . ok somethings up . she never cared before . I gave her a weird look she just huffed and went back to her phone . it was quiet for the longest before a nurse came in with a cart full of pills . oh great .

"hello mr.payne im just going to give you a quick check up and then you should be free to go tomorrow" she said giving me a small smile . she was wearing blue scrubs and her dark brown hair tied in a messy bun . man I couldn't imagine having a job like this .

After she gave me a check up Jessica-my sister- said she was going to leave but come back . that was 3 hours ago . to be honest I didn't really want to go back to school . everyone would probably call me a wimp for barely finishing the laps then practically dying . oh well I mean its not like I haven't been called names before . I le out a long sigh .

I hate my life . I don't ven remember what its like to smile for real let alone laugh . I barely hold a conversation with people and im basically terrified of men . I don't even know how much more of this I can take . what did I do to deserve this . i felt the tears begin to sting my eyes but I blinked them away .

I was not going to cry

I was not going to cry

I was not going to cry

But somewhere along the last word I found myself crying anyways . why is this so hard . why can I just man up and stop being such a pussy ?! I groaned in frustration . why am I so dumb ? why am I so scaredd ? why am such a fuck up ?!

My hands flew up to my hair tugging at my short brown locks . I mentally scolded myself . why is this happening ? am I a bad person ? pretty soon all the angr went away and I was back with the feeling of sadness and anxiety . I was freaking out . I was seriously going to die because hell no I didn't want to go back to him . that's the last thing I want to do . at this point I was choking on my sobs . pretty soon a nurse came in .

A male nurse .

Oh god he reminded me of him . he was grabbing me . I started panicking even more beggin him to leave to stop touching me but he touched me even more . soon enough more came in and then they jabbed a needle in my arm making me go slack in their arms .

My vision was blurring and I could hear them talking but it all was muffled . I was panting . I felt my eyes begin to close . I tried to keep them open but it was no use . the last thing i saw was my sister in the doorway with her hand over her mouth in shock .

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Oh god my head is pounding . I tried opening my eye but was met with the blinding lights of the hospital room . I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut before opening them again trying to adjust to the light . when I opened them j was sitting next to me again . only this time she wasn't texting she was running her fingers through my hair with worried eyes .

I furrowed my eyebrows at her in confusion . why did she look so upset did something happen? Her eyes had unshed tears in them . I could tell she was trying hard not to let them fall but I don't know why she was upset .

"whats wrong ?" I asked . she didn't respond she just let her tears fall .

"what happened liam all I saw was you .. p-panicking then they put the n-needle in yo-your arm and I-" she didn't finish her sentence she just cried and hugged me . so that's why ? oh now I remember . fuck . I scared j and now she probably wants to know why . but I cant tell her .. I know shes my sister but I cant tell her . what if she tells someone else .. they'll laugh or or .. I don't know . ill just have to make p an excuse .

"I just got s-scared I don't really like hospitals" I answered trying to make it as convincing as possible . I guess she believed me because she pulled away nodding her head . but then she started shaking her head and whooped her tears away .

"no I should've been there for you but no im so stupid" she looked down at her hands . her leg was shaking . something she did out of habit . I just shook my head .

"its ok im fine j don't beat yourself up im fine see" I told her trying to make her feel better . she sighed and nodded . I looked over and saw that it was about 10 pm . I furrowed m eyebrows . why is she still here . is she really that worried about me ? I put my hand on her shoulder making her look up at me .

"you should go home and get some sleep . I'll be fine here alright" I gave her a small forced smile which she believed . she smiled back before reluctantly nodding her head getting up . she told me she'd be back tomorrow to get me . I just nodded .

After she left I turned on my side . ill be home tomorrow meaning I'll most likely go to school and have to deal with stupid people . and I would have to come home and deal with .... I don't even want to say his name .

I drew in a shaky breathe before letting it out . its ok . I kept repeating to myself . I closed my eyes tightly wrapping the blanket tighter around me before forcing myself into sleep .