Have you ever loved someone so much, you could barely breath when you were with them? You got that warmth in your stomach each time you got to look at them, that feeling of intense love and care, like you want to protect them with all you have? You get chills when you're with them, love them with all your might. And within a matter of time, you find yourself getting fuckin' sick of looking at them?
You spent years and years building up a foundation for the two of you to grow? You spend years, adoring them, worshiping their every move and feature, wanting nothing but the best for them. For me, I had thought the time of being lonely was over once I finally had her as mine. Now it seems I am lonelier than ever. I am trapped within myself.
I spent all my time for years wanting her as mine, to adore her, to praise her, to make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And yet now when she walks in the room, I refuse to make eye contact. I won't touch her unless it means getting to cum, I won't even speak to her unless it's needed.
I'm still alive, but God I feel like I was dead, to the point I almost really wish I was. It had been seven months since I was given the news that ruined me as a man. That ruined my relationship in a matter of hours. I have finally come to accept that as always before, I am to walk alone in order to survive this. I cannot rely on anyone, like I had thought I would be able too. I had to learn the hard way, but seven months into hell and watching out a window all day every day, you get to thinking.
I still love her, I do. I love what we had, what we used to be. I didn't love how her moods bounced, I didn't love her bitch side. I didn't love how all her life was draining out of her, and how she was fighting to keep it but just no longer had the will. I didn't like how I was drinking more and more every night, popping my mothers painkillers like candy. I didn't like most of what was happening. But I loved her. I love her.
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Notes From The Underground
Подростковая литератураI'm here to take responsibility for my actions. I was lost in love, in sex, in a future with no hope. I became lost and afraid, I became empty and alone. I expected her to stay, I was a fool really. I spent days crying over this filth. Do with it wh...
