I haven't bathed in a week, I never bathe anymore. I slur whenever I talk. I can't think of a reason to get the fuck out of bed. My curtains are shut, my lights are off, I can't tell if I'm alive or dead. I hear her in the next room, I know her every move from day to day. I can feel her through the walls, her heat. Not in a cute way, or a passionate way. No. In a terrifying way. I'm so loopy, waving my finger in the air gently, following as she walks through the kitchen making cheese dip. Everything is so slow, so dull. I know every move made in my house, every person's schedule. Every tick of the clock is another wasted second. I'm losing my mind.
The bags under my eyes are growing heavier. I'm sleeping more than I'm awake, and when I am up I'm so drunk I can't walk, so I fall asleep on the back porch in a patio chair, near every night. I go to my room again once the sun comes up, and keep sleeping until it's night fall again. I'm only awake a few short hours. I'm desperately trying to avoid what's happening around me, though I still remain hyper aware.
My breakfasts are a cocktail of vodka and vicodin. I'm eating bottles of pills like fucking tic-tacs. Kendall is caught up in her own shit. She hardly notices my slipping. Maybe she does and doesn't care. Or she doesn't and gets mad when she does notice, hence all the fighting. I don't know what's happening.
I think I'm slipping. My thoughts no longer collect as before, they no longer run rampant. No. No. Everything is slow, time is in slow motion, I decide. That has to be it. I'm blinking, my head is so dizzy, I think I'm falling asleep again. I can't tell, everything is so blurry. I move my head, attempting to shake it and failing, my vision failing and everything going slow. The room had dim lights, I had adjusted to the dark. And as my eyes fell shut and I slipped into depression sleep once more, I agree once more that, yeah, time is in slow motion.
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Notes From The Underground
Teen FictionI'm here to take responsibility for my actions. I was lost in love, in sex, in a future with no hope. I became lost and afraid, I became empty and alone. I expected her to stay, I was a fool really. I spent days crying over this filth. Do with it wh...
