Notes From The Underground

CHAPTER TWENTYONE

It's 4:30 in the morning, I'm hungover and tired, but yet I'm stood in the kitchen making a bottle. Ah yes, as wonderful as fatherhood had proven to be, like everything else good in life, it had a downside. Skiing is fun, but you might die. Eating is fun, but you might gain weight. Swimming is fun, but you could drown. And babies are fun, but they're inescapable life long responsibility. Though, that might be a much different downside to the previously stated, you got my point I'm sure.

So I stumble around, my vision blurry since I can't remember where the hell I left my glasses, warming breast milk in a small stove pan full of steaming water. I leaned against the counter, lighting a cigarette and trying to wake up. I knew it was likely after this I'd be up for the day, but it didn't matter. Sleep was a myth for me lately, like a distant memory. Oh how I long for the dark to take me prisoner, to sing to me it's sweet song of blissful rest, sweeping me away into my dreams and away from reality. But nope, I'm running off energy drinks and drugs.

The smoke seems thicker in the dimly lit kitchen, the only light source right now being that of the stove light. It's so quiet, I can hear bugs chittering outside but I do live near the country. Some of my favorite childhood memories have those little bugs in the background, making their annoying noises loudly in the summer time. Though, summer time had ended a while ago. Winter was drawing close once more, my favorite time of year. Everything was dying, the white snow had yet to fall but I was excitedly waiting for it. In some ways I was still such a child.

Once the milk is done I turn off our stove, putting out my cigarette and going into our bedroom where Logan was asleep in a little bed next to me and Kendall's. He was starting to get teeth lately, and so Kendall had to stop breastfeeding. She still pumped though, so now instead of her having to get up to feed him, she kicks me out of bed to make him his bottle. I walk over to his little cot, lifting him up and carrying him into the living room. It was dark and quiet, and away from Kendall who kicked and snored in her sleep.

I sat on the couch, starting to feed him and looking around the dark room, letting my eyes adjust. The living room was covered in baby toys, the walls blank of any decoration other than dull drapes and wallpaper. The floor had so many empty bottles and blankets on it, the counters sticky with baby food. We weren't good at housekeeping, I already knew that but christ my house was dirty. His eyes are drooping shut, I think he's going to pass back out. He was such an easy baby, I had a feeling it wouldn't last. My mother always said I was pretty good as a baby up until I was two, then I was a dick. But she also slightly hates me, so maybe she exaggerated.

Once he fell asleep I put him back in his bed, it was really a play pen but it worked well as a crib. Well enough, I mean. Kendall had taken up half the bed, and the way she slept I knew there was no hope for me to climb back in beside her. Petty annoyances. I went back into the living room, laying on the couch and checking the time on my phone. I had school in a few hours, well. Not school. Today was graduation. I couldn't believe I was actually graduating, but to be fair, I hadn't earned it at all.

Once I became apart of our towns underground, I had lost all interest in school all together. But as a man of my word, a man of false honor, I had to graduate nonetheless. Now in such a small town, such a small area more like, there are an awful lot of people who have things they need to have stay hidden, which gives you a lot of advantage when you need something from someone involved in the underworld.

The underground is what us local drug addicts, teen parents, school shooters, drug dealers, etcetera like to call our operations. We all keep it underground, as in very few know about it, and every secret we have to keep from getting caught, has to stay between us only. It sounds so shady, doesn't it? It was just what it was referred to as here.