Notes From The Underground

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I'm being dragged out of bed yet again for something I could care less about. My apathy towards life I believe is derived from many things, but mainly, boredom. Now boredom is common issue among teenagers, children, office workers, etc. Many people can cure it with things like going outside, watching a film, eating. Now when you are someone like me, who requires constant day to day routine, that entertains me, boredom isn't something you handle well. And when your life turns to gray mush, you learn that boredom is more than just a bored summer day.

I look like shit. I'm in a hoodie and sweatpants, my hair is sticking up in places it shouldn't. Kendall thinks it would be a smart move to go to parenting classes. She says she's making an attempt to prepare for what is happening. I on the other hand, could care less. I do not wish to be here, I cannot stress that enough. So why am I? Because I'll do anything to be a good man, because I know deep down, I am not one.

Kendall is sitting next to me in a metal chair. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun, her stomach is so big. She's eight months along, she's huge. Her legs are crossed, her head on my shoulder and her hand in mine as we waited for the seminar or whatever to begin. It was quiet, the whole room full of new expecting couples, many around our age. I wonder what some of their stories are, before turning my head and thinking second thought, I don't wanna know.

The guy begins to talk up front, his voice is big and bold, he sounds as if he knows what he is talking about, he really does. He has a voice for radio, he know's what he is selling and he does it well. But anyone with half a mind could see through his vague bullshit, he probably didn't even have kids.

Maybe I'm just bitter, after all lately I do enjoy insulting pretty much any human being who comes within a 5 mile radius of me. I do not enjoy being kind, no, no I wish the world to feel as miserable as I, and I express it through my interactions. I try and stay kind to Kendall, but most often times we don't speak, and when either of us does we do it to pick a fight Yet, we remain seemingly in love to those around us. Everything was wrong.

People are volunteering to participate. Both Kendall and I remained silent, neither of us were ever the type for group participation. We were reserved, most often times. The guy called on a few people who had questions, idiots, my mind scoffs them off. Some of their questions are so basic and idiotic it makes me sick. Raising a child shouldn't be put down to a tactic, every kid is different.

Example. Some kids react to punishments such as sentences and workbook stuff, some kids react best from timeouts, and other's will only learn once spanked/or injuring themselves. So why are parenting classes like this told as if raising a child has been brought down to a vague basic science? I'm getting angry over nothing, I am sure.

There's coffee in the back, which is pretty cool. I stand up, breaking away from Kendall's loving embrace, walking slowly to the back to pour myself of a cup of lukewarm coffee. I'm leaning against the concrete walls, they're painted white and my foot is flat against the wall. My hand is stuffed in my pocket, I'm trying to drown out the class noise. This coffee tastes like shit. It's awful. But swallowing makes noise to help drown out sound, and well, if chugging terrible, musky coffee meant not listening to that shit, so be it.

Kendall is glaring at me, most likely wondering why I'm not back yet, or mad that I'm not. Either way, i refuse to give in to her. I'm not in the mood, she know's I don't even want to be here to begin with. She knows I don't enjoy this crap, i don't think it's needed. She know's it too early in the goddamn morning, she knows I don't fucking care about our fetus, and she knows damn well I don't wish to be here. She has no right to be upset, with me.

I look at the clock, it's only been 30 minutes and I'm pretty sure this is a two hour class. I groan quietly, getting a few looks my way and shrugging it off, sipping my shit coffee. It was interesting, looking around. Some of these couples seemed so young, younger than me and Kendall at least. I was so dumbfounded by it as well, how did they end up in this situation so early in life? Though many could ask the same of me, most definitely.