Just another cliche story

'Pardon me, but you really hurt my feelings'- Chapter 18

Lilly ran out of the school and to her house that was about half an hour away. Out of breath, she opened the door with trembling hands, sobbing heavily and weighed down with the images of what she wanted to do. Lilly knew that people didn't really care about her, and she was starting to see Ben again. he was right beside her on her desk as she wrote a letter to Issac,  explaining what she was about to do. 

'Dear Issac,(and Stella, Matt, Olivia, Molly and Charlie. But mainly Issac.) 

I don't really have any other way to say this, other than to tell you my whole story. When we were 13, we weren't friends. I was devoted to spending my time with Archie Green who, until recently i loved. I was so infatuated with him, that i didn't realise what a twat he was. And, i'm sorry about that. I messed around with people like Matthew, and he used to take pictures of it. the pictures of me on that power-point were all real. see, not so innocent.  I know how you felt about me back then, Issac. Stella has told me multiple times that you have been obsessed with me since first year of school, when we were 4. The months i have spent with you have been the happiest of my life since Ben (My twin, as you definitely already know) passed last year. I know what i'm about to do is wrong, but i wanted to tell you that i still see him. constantly. Even though I know that the cancer took over his body and his heart stopped working. i sometimes think that i'm going mad when i see him, but i understand now that i see him when i'm at my lowest points. Ever since i joined the band, and started spending more time with you, Issac, i haven't seen him. Not even once.

So i wanted to thank-you for giving me the most amazing memories, that i know even when i'm gone will still make me smile. You are probably confused as to why i did it, given the fact that we have just won battle of the bands, and me and Issac kissed that one night. i'm doing this because i just can't live with the branding of a 'slut' anymore. That picture of a moment that should have been perfect, tainted  Issac's first kiss when Matt edited it. i know you love me, Issac. i love you as-well i think. Because you aren't like every other guy. You see past my imperfections, and i don't deserve you. I don't deserve the unconditional love i know you give me. So, when i'm gone and you are reading this letter, remember the good  'just friends' moments we had. 

Like, when we went to Pets At Home at midnight, and walked around, staring at all the fish in the tanks. Or the night us and all the band sat on the roof of my dad's car  big hill and just looked at the stars. Or when we all went camping during half-term and got lost. Or the night we stayed up until 2 am, eating Doritos and watching River dale. for the record, that's the night i knew i loved you, Issac Moone.  please don't ever forget that i love you. always.  Those memories are things that cannot be tainted by trivial high-school gossip. and those are the memories that i want to think about when i leave.

I love you all forever, idiots. my idiots. Especially you, Issac. - Lilly x '

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Lilly sobbed, remembering all the good times she had with the band, but knowing that they weren't enough to get her through the pain and humiliation of what had happened in assembly. her dad would know about it soon enough since the teachers would call him to ask where she was. Lilly finished writing the short letters to Finn, Amelia and Archie, explaining what she was doing and why. She debated writing one for Matt, but didn't, since she knew it wouldn't affect him in any way. 

She walked to Issac's house first, and left the letter on his doorstop, knowing that the band would be coming to his house for practise after-school. she hoped that they would all read it together. She then walked to Amelia's and left her's on the doorstep as well. Lastly, she went to Finn's house, knowing that Archie would be with him, despite saying they 'weren't friends anymore.'

Lilly then rushed back home, as she didn't have long before her dad got home from work. She needed to do it now, before she decided not to go through it. She walked into the bathroom, filling the bath whilst grabbing her small razor blades from when she used to cut herself regularly. She then sat in the bath, fully clothed, shaking and still crying as she slit her wrists, crying out slightly as crimson blood painted her pale white skin, shaking as she cut the other one, before lying back in the bath, and letting the blood pour of her body as she closed her eyes before her breathing started to slow down. And as she bled out, Ben was right beside her in the bath, resting his head on her shoulder, happy his sister would be out of her misery and they'd be together again.