B'shert

And being let down

Chapter Ten

The holiday was fun (though not without Raven and Robin having to deal with their fair share of criminals- they even have a run in with Jinx and if Damian had any doubt that Raven wouldn't be giving her all to missions involving her bond mate they're put at ease because outside of private meetings they're as impersonal as they need to be when they clash)- but it eventually ends and they go back to their separate (often inter mingling) lives. And the rest of the team is a bit surprised to find that Raven took up Damian's offer of spending Christmas together (And maybe a tad hurt because she rejected theirs) but they don't show it because their happy their friend wasn't alone on Christmas. (And they call dibs on who gets to have her over next year, and Raven agrees not just because she feels bad but because she'd like to).

And then it's back to business as usual (not that there's really been a break because Christmas is when many villains decode to go on a crime sprees.)

Their staking out an old warehouse that's rumored to be a weapons bunker when Damian decides to ask something he's been thinking about for a while.

'How do you handle your relationship with Jinx?'

'What do you mean?' she asks, turning her gaze towards him. 'How can you fight her when she clearly means a lot to you?' Raven had written, in her notebook, how much she valued Jinx's friendship. How she felt that they'd been through a lot together in their past lives.

Raven shrugs. 'It's...we were enemies before we were friends I guess. And...I'm not sure how to explain it. We've just always been able to. Think of it like a messed up family relationship where you fight a lot and don't keep in contact but are there for each other when it counts.' Damian is silent in contemplation for a few minutes before he speaks again.

'Raven, promise me that you'll be able to do that with me.'

'What?' she asks confused but not because she understands what he's saying.

It's been a line they've tried to keep clear but it gets harder each day. And Raven wants to remain objective but she's always been more impulsive in moments of high stress. She wants to avoid this conversation, this promise that she knows he'll make her make. But he doesn't let her run away; he makes her face whatever's bothering her. He locks his gaze to hers and his green eyes burn with intensity.

'Promise me that if I'm compromised you'll do what needs to be done. If you have to sacrifice me for the sake of a mission you'll do it. That you won't hesitate because I'm your soul mate.'

'Do you promise to do that too?' she asks quietly.

'Promise that if my father ever escapes, and takes control of my body or tries to use me to hurt anyone, if ANYONE tries to use me to hurt anyone, if I try to hurt anyone, promise me that YOU won't hesitate. That you'll put the mission before me; if you can promise me that then I'll promise you too.'

He nods.

******

The thing about missions is that they don't always go as planned. People die, they fail and have to suffer and bear the consequences. Everyone thinks in the back of their minds that they use most of their luck for the world threatening catastrophic ones, which is why they lose these other smaller battles.

It's not a belief that everyone believes in, but let's face it there's no such ultimate belief.

And there's this particular mission a bit before Raven turns seventeen where they get trapped in some realm in which magic is rendered useless. This leaves Raven at a severe disadvantage because while she knows the basics of hand to hand combat and has a good left hook she's always heavily relied on her powers. She's more a liability than an asset on that mission and she HATES it. Because people have to keep on saving her, like she's a normal civilian and not a Titan. The planet they're on is called Risa and its run by a socialist dictatorship. And their one ticket out of this realm is a rift on the other side of the roof of this crumbling building and their running like their lives depend on it (Because they really do,) and they'll make it.

They'll make it if it weren't for one of that realms dictator's assassin, who decides to attack them then. Half of them are through the portal now with only Beast boy, Robin and Raven left. And then the assassin has a knife held to Ravens throat, and she's been through worse but never without her powers. "Tell us the location of the rebel base," the white masked woman sneers.

The team ending up here had been a complete accident, just like them getting tangled up with the rebels of this world. They had just wanted to get home at first but they couldn't let innocents, even those not of their world die so they'd just helped out on one mission. Besides they needed to find what had brought them here and how to get back and a super computer which records that kind of data was right next door to the building the rebels wanted to get into so it had been a win -win. The rift closes and it's just the three Titans and the assassin left. The building will crumble soon and they'll all die.

"Tell me and I'll let her go, I'll reopen the rift and let you all go. You're of no use to my liege."

And Robin is torn, because if he tells them many will suffer but if he doesn't Raven will die. The sight of the assassin starting to drag her knife across the skin of Ravens neck, of the trickle of blood is enough. "Alright! They're in the lower districts," Damian grits out. "Which district?" "Open the rift and let her go and I'll tell you!" And Gar doesn't say anything because he's as conflicted as Damian. The woman presses something on her belt and the rift opens once again, "The district and I'll let her go," He can't feel ashamed but at the same time he does. "Five. District Five." He says in defeat. The woman smirks and pushes Raven towards him. She stumbles over and he holds her up by her shoulders. "Get off our world," She says before teleporting away. They enter the rift and their back on Earth. All of them are alive but it's not a win.

And she feels their bond again, and it's a relief for a few seconds because of how used to it she had become. Being on that other world without it had been...disconcerting. But that relief is short lived because there are so many emotions, all mixed feelings of guilt, relief, self blame and default anger. Because they're alive, all of them but they might have just condemned a world to dictatorship.

Damian's room is across the hall from Ravens, and theirs are the only two this way. So when they're heading there from the infirmary she pulls him into her room letting the door slide closed behind them.

"What was that?!! What happened to 'no hesitation'?!" She demands. Because she's angry, because she never wanted to be the reason others suffered. Never again. And she'd trusted Damian to make sure she didn't. She realizes she's being harsh because she UNDERSTANDS because she LOVES him and had their situations been reversed she would have done the same.

But it's HER. She's brought pain and suffering to the world because she's a demon and every demon does that, intentionally or not. She's not worth all those rebels lives (Damian would have been but she wasn't.)

She's a creature from hell and no matter what she does she can't change that. She brings suffering where ever she goes. He hears this. He hears every last word and he roughly grabs her by the shoulders, almost shaking her. Because those thoughts are STUPID. "You are more than worth it." He says, and his voice is a deadly whisper. The kind of quiet that houses raging flames of fury. Because when Damian can't make sense of emotions they turn to anger and he was mad enough at himself for what he'd done (even though given the chance he wouldn't chose differently because it's Raven and he'd never forgive himself if anything happens to her) But now Raven is spiraling into her dark thoughts, her self-hate which he tries to get her to leave behind. And every time he thinks he has something happens and it comes up again and this time it was HIM.

"I'm not, and you promised me you wouldn't let your feelings get in the way of a mission!" She says her eyes burning. She's angry at him and at herself but grateful to be alive and she really hates emotions sometimes. "I know...' he says quietly. And his hands fall away from her shoulders and he avoids her gaze. 'But I couldn't lose you,'

They both know that this will be a problem.