B'shert

Iwasannata Bari vedanavak Mata notharay

Chapter Twenty Three

(A/N: HELLO EVERYONE I JUST FINISHED MY O/L'S TODAY!!! MY CIVICS PAPER WAS AWFUL WHIVH IS REALLY SAD CUZ IVE BEEN GETTING STRAIGHT A'S FOR THE SUBJECT FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS AND IT WOULD BE REALLY BAD IF I GOT A C FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT EXAM UP TO DATE SO YEAH

ANYWAY.

thank you so much to all those who have read and voted and left me comments♥ This chapter.... Is not for you cuz like... Angst. But I'll post again in a few hours and the bus will get better? Anyways enjoy! ♡)

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/But now she's at Titians tower and she realizes how wrong she was. /

Because even after a week, she still can't bring herself to even THINK of looking into Damians mind because she's afraid of what she may find. She's afraid that he won't have any memory of her what so ever. She knows that these feelings are irrational but she just can't help but feel them. She knows that if Damian can't remember what they were, she has to try again. Start from scratch, but the thought pains her still.

She should try to reach out to him, she knows but she's scared of the hurt that it could bring. Because what if he DOESN'T remember her?

At all.

She's scared like she was at the very beginning all over again.

She curls up into a fetal position hugging her pillow close to her, which maybe a mistake because it smells like him. Apart of her, in her mind screams and wails over the loss of their bond. It had been kept at bay before when Damian was unconscious with the thought that they could always rebuild it. But now...now the agony and the fear threatens to drown her. It spreads through her body like poison. Some part of her screams that this is WRONG. The broken bond, the grief, the fear and the exhaustion of straining her powers has been making her sick. Literally sick. She knows it won't get better till she makes a move but she keeps telling herself that 'no, not yet. She's not ready.' She keeps putting it off.

And this goes on for a fucking month.

A month in which she can barely hold a proper conversation with Damian. Because every time she works up the nerve to try, and does, he seems uncomfortable- and when Damian feels cornered or unsure he lashes out (especially at people he doesn't know.) So she flees because she finds herself scared of treading that ground. (At first.)

And then, sometimes she stands her ground because this Damian may not be able to remember her but he's still her boyfriend and since when has she taken shit from him? (This also doesn't work because in these moments Damian is the one who runs away.) And Raven really has no idea what to do.

So let's leave her there for a moment and focus on the other bird.

Damian is confused.

Because one day he woke up after an incident involving Trigon (which everyone manages to avoid giving him details about) and his life really makes no sense. Because he has these weird headaches, and strange feelings of nostalgia and thoughts, memories that float about his head just out of his grasp. And something that scares him quite a lot is that his usually impeccable memory has hazy spots in it. And if his internal struggle wasn't enough the team is acting just plain weird around him. Like more weird than usual. Raven is absent for an entire week since he woke up feeling like he's missing something (and everyone curtly says she's on personal leave before either steering the conversation onto something else or walking away.) And during that week everyone interacts with him like their treading on eggshells.

Which really ticks him off so he yells and insults most (all) of them.

Then, things only get weirder when Raven returns. Because when she's in the room (and sometimes even when she's not) there are these moments where he just wants to be next to her, but he catches himself because it makes no sense. Because while he and Raven were on good terms, they weren't really that close. (As he thinks this, he feels like it's a lie.) Raven doesn't really talk to him much after she gets back, not at first. And Damians...fine with that. (But he kind of wants to talk to her too.) And then she DOES talk to him and he gets a headache, and this strange feeling which he can't name. And he can't deal with all this uncertainty, he can't deal with her looking at him like that, like she KNOWS him- because how can she know him? So he falls back to his terrible habits and snaps at her and at first she leaves as soon as possible.

(Which hurts for some odd reason?)

But then she starts snapping back and it's Damian who's running away because the second time that had happened he'd had this overwhelming urge to kiss her and that's just... Yeah no, he'll not think about it.

So yeah, Raven is scared, Damian is confused and everyone else just wants to throw themselves off a cliff because the tension between the two is maddening.