Insecurities

Running Thoughts

Barry Allen was sat in the school library, using on of the computers to finish up some science work on DNA. He was a student at Central City University, in his second year. Throughout the past two years of university, as well as the vast majority of his life previously, he had mainly kept to himself, very rarely talking to others, only truly focusing on his work, keeping distant from everyone else there. There were many reasons as to why this was, but mainly because most people just simply didn't like him that much. Always seeing himself as an outcast, everyone else just finding his personality 'weird' or 'abnormal' purely because he wasn't like anyone else, instead of focusing on popularity, or sports, or anything like that he focused on his work, doing his every best to simply achieve wrong. Throughout the years he had gotten somewhat used to this, simply learning to have a lot of independence as a pose to relying on the presence of others. It worked the majority of the time, removing himself from the rest of the world and just focusing on what entertained him, what made him happy. It was a working system, he had managed to get through the past few years. Everyone had always looked at him as quite simply a 'nerd' and things like that, as a result generally staying away from him, making him act this way around people, mostly quiet and insecure.

He had been like this for many years, always simply telling himself that there were many negatives to himself, but these were then overcast by the focus he would just put into something else. It was somewhat of a worthwhile method to overlooking the inevitable, which was his own thoughts fighting against him, telling him that he wasn't necessarily a great person, however, these thoughts didn't cross his mind often. Only rarely did they come to him, but unfortunately this was one of those times.

People acting around him was most likely the main cause of this, the way he thought of himself. That he was only good for doing work, as a pose to anything else. Constantly telling himself that his personality was awful, he didn't look particularly great, etcetera. There were also thoughts that crossed his mind, most notably the biggest one being about his future. Constantly telling himself that no one would ever accept him for who he was, there was no one out there that would ever remotely care for him, let alone love him.

Love.

That was the thing, he had always heard stories of love, stories of two people finding each other at a specific time in their lives, before falling in love and living the rest of their lives together, experiencing happiness along the way, before creating a family of their own.

Barry had always been one to really enjoy the idea of this, however, due to his thoughts taking control of him he continuously doubted that this would ever happen to him. All things considered, no one had ever really even approached him, let alone started a conversation with him, so none of this was exactly helping his level of self-esteem.

------------------------------------------------------------

1 Week Later

Barry was sat back in the school library, still contemplating thoughts on everything he had been thinking a week before. He had heard rumours from overhearing conversations that a new girl had joined the school a few days ago, however, he had thought very little of it as, if anything was to be judged by his past, they would most likely simply treat him as an outcast just like everyone else did.

It was around half an hour later, Barry was simply finishing up in the library, just as he heard a voice behind him.

"Hi, um, can I sit here?"

He turned around to see someone that he had previously never seen, presuming her to be the new girl. Judging by the tone of her voice, he safely assumed that she was being genuine, as a pose to just messing about with him.

"Um, yeah, of course, you can," he said, breaking a small smile.

"Thank you. Hi, I'm Caitlin. Caitlin Snow."

"Barry Allen."

As she sat down, Barry noticed how amazingly pretty she looked, however, he quickly set this thought aside to avoid getting too attached, as he had never really had a true friendship that lasted and he certainly didn't want to make it harder on himself.

"So, what are you doing here?" Barry asked, curious to see what her interests were.

"Oh, I am studying to be a biochemist, I've always enjoyed science. How about you?"

"Something similar, actually. I'm studying to be a CSI, I really enjoy chemistry and science in general so, I guess it all just comes naturally."

"That's awesome," Caitlin replied as she logged onto a computer.

Barry was somewhat surprised, he seemed to be getting along with someone, which wasn't something that happened to him very often, so he was terrified of messing it up, and was trying his best not to do such.

"I presume that you have been here since the beginning?"

"Yeah, as you have just joined, I'd be happy to show you around, after all this place can be quite chaotic."

"Thank you, I would like that. You are really nice you know, why do you spend most of your time here, alone, I think I have seen you here the few days I have been here."

"Well, to put it simply, no one particularly wants to be around me, I guess to them I'm just a 'weirdo'"

"Well, I don't think that about you, you seem like a nice person."

"Thanks, that means a lot," he replied, letting out a small smile.

"Would you mind if I met you here tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course."

Caitlin gathered her things and walked over to the printer, before leaving the library.

Barry was left with a small smile, somewhat shocked that he had a conversation lasting that long, especially with someone that nice.

He gathered up his own things and walked out, smiling to himself, yet still terrified that he would find a way to mess this up, however only time would tell.

So far it was okay, it was good.